Skipping by

So I haven’t been post real posts in a little bit, honestly, because I’m still a little bit of a mess. I wish I wasn’t; I wish I was bouncing back appropriately but it seems like I feel better and Bam! Emeril hits me upside the head and I’m sobbing in a corner. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like that interesting to read about. I don’t know if I want to look back at this time and remember how down I was, how out of control my anxiety is.

I saw my doctor a few weeks ago, but I was having a good day and I really truly thought I was heading in the right direction. The good direction. I’m going to work on it some more myself to see if I can get myself out of meltdown city, but I know where I am and I know if it’s not working I can call her. I have a plan in place. I’m going to try some herbal supplements that have no known drug interactions, and I’m going to hope that somehow something makes a difference.

I don’t want to remember feeling this way. I want to remember the good things. I think that is why people sometimes make their lives look so good on their blogs, on Instagram, on facebook. Who wants to look back to last weekend and remember not getting out of pjs all day because you could not put that much effort into living? Who wants to think back to yesterday when you accidentally broke something irreplaceable of your kids’ in a hysterical attempt to make sure there were no fire hazards in the house, and then you sat on a foot stool in the middle of your living room and just wept?

Not Me.

So things are not good. All of the above happened, including a huge hysteria where I was sure there was something on fire in my air conditioning and I broke things that can’t be replaced and today where I spent most of the day right on that edge where you can’t stop crying. I didn’t start, which is good because I wouldn’t have stopped.

But some things, some excellent things, have happened. I “ran” a race that was actually a scavenger hunt. I had been looking for a way out of it for weeks because I didn’t train at all, but instead I went with an old friend and a new friend and had a great time.

We went to the Epcot Food and Wine Festival and ate and drank our way around the countries – it was delicious and amazing. Canadian Filet Mignon with mushrooms and a truffle sauce, Italian Prosecco and chocolate cannoli, Brazilian cheese bread and coconut candy, craft beer flights, kimchi hot dogs, perogis, lobster ravioli, fried plantains … I’m sure there was more, but so much. It was lovely. It was a gorgeous day and we all had a good time.

When all is said and done, this is what I want to remember. These happy faces, including mine.

September groceries

This is probably going to be a long boring post that won't interest anyone but me, but I'm warning you in advance. It won’t be quite as long but still boring because I’ve decided to split meal plans into separate posts, so this is just groceries. I kept a running tally of everything a purchased and everything I spent on groceries/household needs for the month of September. Feel free to skip this post completely if you want.

Here's a quick breakdown if you're interested in flat numbers with no breakdown:

in four weeks we spent $509.23 in groceries/household purchases
in four weeks we spent $486.44 in restaurant/food out

Looking at our actual purchases, I'm pretty sure our grocery bill was about average. Our restaurant total was probably about $100 more than usual because we stayed overnight in a hotel and had two extra meals that we paid for that we wouldn't normally do. We didn't go out at all that last week because I had plenty of food in the house and I had plans on Saturday so we didn't go to Disney - otherwise there would have been one extra dinner out (and that probably means our restaurant total was actually probably on par with normal). So. We could easily spend less, but I don't know that we really care to? One thousand dollars in a month for two adults and two children, not really skimping at all. Includes alcohol, school lunches, and everything. I spent most of the grocery bill on fruits, vegetables and cheese. Beautiful, wonderful cheese.

Week one:

Publix

Salad mix bags x2 – BOGO

Apples

Peaches

Asparagus

Bananas

Avocados

Tomatoes

Cantaloupe

White wine x2 – BOGO

Arnold bread x6 – BOGO

Pita bread

Sandwich thins

Frozen biscuits

Goat cheese

Feta cheese

Cage free brown eggs

Trop 50 OJ

Turkey sausage

Dijon mustard

Deli ready-made pizza dough x2- BOGO

Townhouse crackers x2 - BOGO

Tzaziki dip – deli

Dole fruit cups x2 – BOGO

Spent 98.62

Saved 40.57

Bought not on list: biscuits, crackers

Target

Blue Diamond Nut Thins

Bisquick

Corn

Scooby doo Fruit snacks (clearance)

Qtips

Cotton Makeup Remover pads

Spent 17.96

Saved 1.39

Not on list: make up remover pads, fruit snacks

Second trip to Publix:

Katsup

Lemons

Baking Soda

Spent 5.08

Publix trip #3

Nail polish remover

Cheese slices

Yogurt

Spent 7.37

Saved .99

Publix trip #4 (same day)

Mini mozzarella balls (I can’t believe I forgot these on the first trip of the day)

4.99

Other food purchases:

Subway (two lunches) $9.47

Vending machine: $.85

Terrible Vietnamese dinner: $17

Dinner at Epcot (blown budget, yay!) $90

Total spent groceries/household $134.02

Total restaurant/other: $117.32

Week two:

I started the week off monetarily really poor. Target during breakfast hours to get breakfast things and also got Starbucks for all of us. Plus some additional foodstuff.

Target

Bacon

Muffins

Eggs

Yogurt

Shredded mozz

Tissues

Spent $31.95

Saved $1.67

Starbucks $9.42

Saving grace? I remembered to take back a pair of water shoes I bought a couple weeks ago, so I got $16 back (although I didn't save that in my total).

Publix trip #1

Chicken broth

Enchilada sauce

Diced tomatoes

Canned mushrooms

Pizza sauce

Yellow rice

Cucumber

Tomatoes x2 BOGO

Bell peppers

Onions

Garlic

Celery

Zucchini

Bananas

spinach

Cream cheese

Mexican blend cheese

Sharp cheddar block

Parm cheese block

String cheese

Butter

Tunafish

Ground pork

Turkey Italian sausage

Deli ham

Deli bologna

Spent 70.81

Saved 9.56

Bought not on list: extra cheeses, tuna

Other food purchases:

Vending Machine lunch: $1.50

Thursday lunch w C $39

Ice cream for the kids $5

Starbucks $17.72
Starbucks $5.06
Red Robin $45
Chuy's $55

Groceries/household $102.76
Restaurant/Other 177.70

Week three:

Trader Joe's

10 bottles of wine (what? I was out!)

salsa
tortilla chips
pappardelle
dried cranberries
pumpkin seeds
dumplings
pork roast
frozen waffles
yogurt
olive chiabatta
chicken burgers
turkey/chicken sausages
ricotta
mozz
goat cheese
blue cheese
brie
eggs
bananas
oranges
brussel sprouts
preserves

spent $171.07
most of those things weren't on my list. It was a bad day.

Publix trip

La Croix x6 (BOGO)

Ice

Capri Sun

Strawberries

Raspberries

Blueberries

Grapes

Spent $35.88

Saved 16.16

Dinner out on Thursday $18.87 (salad place, kids eat free)
Friday $2.55 for eggs from the cafe at work.

We were at a beach resort for the weekend, and spent. Too much.
$75 dinner/drinks Saturday
$45 breakfast Sunday
$50 lunch Sunday

total groceries: 206.95
total restaurant/other: 191.42

Week four:

Publix Trip

Total cereal
k-cups (work)
green beans
cucumber
mushrooms
grapes
bananas
apples
tater tots
american cheese
laughing cow
deli ham
bread x2 BOGO
cheez its x2 BOGO
kraft mac & cheese x2 BOGO
eggs

Spent 65.50
Saved $15.10

What I read: September

reread:

48. The Likeness - Tana French

new:

55. The Silent Wife - A.S.A. Harrison I am torn on this. I listened to the audiobook, and it was fine. Not spectacular. Honestly I can't remember much about this.

56. The Cuckoo's Calling - Robert Galbraith Loved it. I love the characters and I was genuinely surprised by "whodunit" although it didn't feel like it was coming out of left field.

57. Shotgun Lovesongs - Nicholas Butler I tried to listen to this in August when I was coming down with strep and didn't get into it at all, but I gave it another shot and quite enjoyed it. Non-genre, lovely. And I really liked the audio - they had different people reading for each perspective and I thought that was excellent.

58. The Secret Place - Tana French Ahh, Tana. You can't go wrong. My little issue was the weird magic weirdness, but I loved the pure story. Good stuff.

59. The Redbreast - Jo Nesbo Okay, so in the grand scheme, I didn't like this book as much as the many other Nesbo books I've read. HOWEVER. This is where so much happens that is alluded to in the later books, it was good to read it. Ellen is killed in this book. The horrible crooked cop is revealed in this one. Hole meets Raquel in this one. It was good to read. I wish I had read it before reading all the others.

60. The Silkworm - Robert Galbraith I also loved this, however I got it in audio and holy hell, it's too long to listen to. I felt like I did nothing but listen to this book and it still took me weeks. But good stuff. Again, I didn't know whodunit. I had ideas, but I was wrong. 

61. Delancey - Molly Wizenberg This was much better than My Homemade Life (which I liked, but this was better). Good.

62. Ten Below Zero - Whitney Barbetti I'm not good at reviewing my friends' books. I think I'm not as interested in this genre as I thought I was, and I didn't feel the concept was as novel as the reviews indicate, and I didn't understand some things. But the writing itself was very good.

63. Torrent - Lindsay Buroker Apparently I read this just in time for the next one to come out, which makes me happy. Very strange, not my favorite but interesting. I think the next one will be better. It got really good at the end.

64. Magic Bites - Ilona Andrews Jen, was this a spin off of another series or something? I liked it a lot, but I felt like there wasn't enough explained considering the "world" is completely different. I liked the marked landmarks (like the Coke factory in Atlanta). I just felt a little lost sometimes and I wish I understood more. It's very much like Laurell K Hamilton without the gobs of sex though, so, good.

Time Passages and Costumes

We had a great weekend. After the last few weeks, it was well needed and I was desperately worried it would fall through. But it happened! And it was great. Here are a few pictures:

(my kids look too old)

Now to the more important stuff, and life, really. S’s school does themes for Halloween, and last year the theme was book characters. So even though he had already decided to go as Superman for Halloween, I made a PETER PAN costume myself by hand so he would have a book character. This year we got ahead of ourselves – he wanted to be Harry Potter and I thought HEY! Book character! We’re golden!

…

…

…

Apparently this year the first grade theme is “nursery rhyme characters.” Shit. Anyone have an idea that is simple and I can make? Because I’m a little annoyed and I’m thinking of sending him to school as Harry Potter anyhow. Last year kids were all sorts of superheroes and princesses despite the theme (and I guess those people are in books too but come on).

Henry is going to be Darth Vader, so I just need to get my crap together and make him a black cape and order a Vader helmet and I’m done there. I think they’ve ruined their light sabers, so I might order him a new one of those (that is not well used, including teeth marks).

When I read

Stephany did this last week, and it was intriguing to me. I read a lot (obviously), but I wondered when exactly I was getting all my reading done. People are always asking/saying “I don’t know where you find the time to read,” which always sounds loaded to me – good for you for reading so much, but obviously you must be neglecting your family and home. Maybe I'm sensitive (although with less kind people, I can tell you I’m sure that’s what they mean.) I didn’t know this last weekend was going to go how it did, but I think it’s probably still fairly representative of my reading habits.

Wednesday

6:55-7:15 audiobook

11:35-12:45 (minus time for four phone calls and an email response, I’m not good at leaving work behind on my lunch break) 92 pages

3:13-3:28 18 pages

3:58-4:19 audiobook

4:41-5:10 45 pages

7:51-10:13 on and off 217 pages

So I listened to my audiobook on the way to and from work, read on my lunch break and one 15 minute break, for .5 an hour after we got home, Spencer had finished his homework and was playing legos and Henry was playing with his Imaginext toys (and pizza dough was resting). Then I started reading again while they were watching their one show before bed and continued until my bedtime. There were stops occasionally to say goodnight and to get a snack of raspberries, conversations with C. But the bulk of that time was spent reading.

Thursday

6:55-7:15 audiobook

4:06-4:27p audio

5:15-5:50 36 pages

Thursday I listened to my audiobook on the way to and from work, and then read while dinner was cooking. C met me for lunch, so I didn’t read during the work day at all. That night was when I found out my aunt had passed, so I went to my mom’s and then drove her down to my grandma’s, so there was no further reading.

Friday 

9:30-10:40am audiobook

10:24p-11:13 88 pages book finished

Friday I would normally read significantly more than I did, but I listened to my audiobook while I drove home from my grandma’s, and then I spent a lot of the day laying around being morose and napping. We took the kids to dinner and a movie, and I read when we got home until I felt I needed to get some sleep.

Saturday

10:15-11:36 87 pages

3:07-3:14 7 pages

6:16-7:44p 128 pgs

8:12-8:20 12 pages book finished

I read to and from the drive to Disney – we were trying to keep things normal. It didn’t work and I spent a lot of the time at Disney crying so we left early. I don’t normally read so much on the drive – C and I talk while the kids watch a movie – but I told him before we left that I just wanted to space out with my book and he left me to it. The couple pages in the middle are when I took my ipad out while waiting for a show to again, space out a little.

Sunday

10:45-11:53 115 pages

2:20-2:35 25 pages

5:15-5:45 40 pages

7:13-8:02 100 pages book finished

We stayed home in our pajamas all day Sunday, and watched a lot of football. The kids played games – some on their own and some on the tv. I was trying to get through how sad I was, so I went in and out of reading/watching football/being entertained by the kids.

Monday

6:55-7:15am audiobook

11:35-1:40 audiobook

8:16-9:05pm 60 pages

I had a minor breakdown on Monday and left work. I listened to my audiobook on my way to work and later when I went to the grocery store (I kept my ear buds in while I shopped) but otherwise I mostly laid in bed watching Friends and Fringe, crying on and off and eating my weight in brie and olive baguette.

Tuesday

6:43-7:06 am audiobook

11:05-12:03 110 pages

4:06-4:27pm audiobook

4:47pm-5:06pm 18 pages

5:43pm-6:02pm 24 pages

7:38-7:45 pm 6 pages (now I'm just grabbing them where I can get them)

Tuesday was a more normal day. Listened to and from work, read on lunch break. I didn’t take a regular break, so I didn’t read any more during the day. I read a little when I first got home and the kids played Wii. Then I read a little while the lasagna was in the oven. Then I tried reading for a few minutes when the kids were getting ready for show and bed. I would have read later, but I brought work home and I spent my 3 hours later between doing that and watching new programming and being on twitter.

So in 7 days:

1228 pages read

3.5 books read

5 hours 35 minutes listening to audiobook (which is what, 1/3 of a book? This is why I don’t listen to a lot of audiobooks)

And THAT is where I find time to read.

Meal plan Sept week 2

Week two

Meal plan:

Sunday chicken gyros w/ zucchini noodles

Monday – salad

Tuesday – Cajun meatloaf, asaparagus & corn

Wednesday – homemade pizza

Thursday - tortellini soup

Friday – I have the kids to myself so we might so something special

Saturday - usually Disney

Sunday

chicken gyros and leftover rice noodles w/ greek add-ins (my zucchini was soggy by the time I got to it)

Monday

salad w/ leftover chicken and feta from gyros.

Tuesday

Cajun meatloaf, corn, asparagus, potato rolls

(this took bloody forever to cook, but it was good. I guess. I’m not fond of meatloaf but my husband loves it.)

Wednesday

Pizza. Spencer likes his pizza with just cheese, and Henry asked for asparagus and turkey pepperoni. I usually cut 25% of the dough off and make mini pizzas for the kids with that, and cook them in the toaster oven. The rest of the dough gets rolled/stretched out as thin as I can make it and goes on the grill outside. This one had tomatoes, mushrooms, asparagus, feta and mozz.

Thursday

Tortellini soup

Friday everything went to crap, and we went out to eat at Red Robin. $45

Saturday everything still crap, went to Chuy’s $55

Raining, pouring

At least I didn't recover fully from the sads.

My aunt passed suddenly. She was alone. I hope I'm not alone when I go. I'm at my grandma's with my mom and a bunch of dogs that I'm allergic to. Such sweet dogs.

I think I'm starting to ramble.

Love to you.