I have a terrible body image. I know this about myself, and I know that I don’t look as bad as I feel I look. I know, truly, that losing a few pounds won’t make me feel better about myself. I know that eating healthier and working out more will make me feel better inside, but won’t make me feel better about myself. I know all of this.
But the brain is a funny thing. I look at women bigger than me and think “how can they look so good when I have these rolls?” I look at other women and think, “how can they look like they have it all together?” I know I don’t look *bad*. I don’t look People of Walmart bad. I haven’t left the house longer than to get the newspaper from the driveway in my pjs since college, I swear! But I also don't leave my house without being fully put together because it's the only way I feel okay about leaving the house at all.
Anyhow, I joined #biggestbloggingloser again this year. Last year it really helped me start losing weight and even though I know in my heart of hearts that feeling good about yourself is not just about the number on the scale, I do not know how to gauge without that number. I don’t join fad diets. I don’t starve myself. I’m not a calorie counter or anything. The only way I know how to lose weight is to eat more moderately, try to make healthier choices, and to exercise.
Last night I stopped at the store and picked up a bunch of veggies. I got vegetables I’m not used to working with in hopes that it challenges me for new and exciting dishes (there are now two artichokes, a spaghetti squash and an eggplant residing in my kitchen with my usual salad stuff and spinach). I made breakfasts for myself for the week, and packed my workout things to take to work with me so I can use the gym on my lunch again. I took the stairs this morning (I only work on the third floor; this shouldn’t be an issue).
While I don’t calorie count, I am going to try to start documenting what I eat so I can feel accountable for what I’m putting into my body. I need to throw away the last of the ice cream. Last year, #biggestbloggingloser taught me to be accountable to myself for how my body looks. By the end of 2011, I lost 42lbs, ran in numerous 5ks and one 10k. I felt strong and I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror. While I have only gained 8-10lbs of that back and haven't even hit the next actual size up, I’ve lost all of the confidence I had then. So what I really hope to gain in these next 11 weeks is not just a new size or a cash prize (although both would be nice!). I hope to be able to look in the mirror and feel strong and confident.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Monday, September 24, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Fall Into Reading 2012
Last year was my first FIR participation, and already! Here it is again! I'm through 80 books so far this year, but the fall is when things get busy. I'm participating in #biggestbloggingloser, which, God willing, will take up some of my time working out. There is Christmas shopping and holidays, family and thisthatandtheother, so I love this challenge since it keeps me reading among all the other things.
Book club books:
The Cost of Hope by Amanda Bennett
Manhunt by James L Swanson
Library list:
Game of Thrones by George R R Martin
In The Shadow of the Banyan by Vaddey Ratner
Night Strangers by Chris Bohjalian
Savages by Don Winslow
When in Doubt, Add Butter by Beth Harbison
Other:
I need 13 other books to round out my reading through the end of the year (although Fall Into Reading runs through Dec. 21). Any suggestions? Have you read something amazing that I would enjoy?
For more Fall intoReading participants or to participate yourself, visit callapiller days
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Thursday, September 20, 2012
Cbdiet, attempt two week two
Okay. So I’ve gotten a little bit of a handle on my workouts. I’ve gotten a handle on my eating. But I’m not losing any weight, which makes me know that I need to do more. But here’s the thing: I like to eat good food. I don’t know if it’s worth losing weight if I’m not enjoying what I’m eating, or if I’m not enjoying my workouts. Or on the latter, at least I need to feel I’m not missing out on anything else while I do my workouts and better having done them. Also, I’ve decided to participate in #biggestbloggingloser again this year, in hopes of kicking myself in the rear (again). Last time I lost 20lbs on my way to a 42lb weight loss year. I don’t think I have that much to lose this time, but maybe getting involved will help again.
Weigh-in: 150.4 (down 1.5)
Exercise: This week I didn't run (rain) and I did an ab/yoga workout once. I also did gardening-from-hell/mulching on Saturday. I actually forgot that I did the gardening and when I woke up Saturday I couldn’t figure out why my legs hurt. Oh yeah!
Successes: Here’s one I felt a super success over: Sunday we had a big breakfast (that’s not the success) but then we didn’t have lunch. I took a nap and Hubs *really* wanted to go to Red Robin for their Octoberfest burger. We went for dinner, but I wasn’t feeling the burger love so I GOT A SALAD. AT RED ROBIN. This may not sound like much to you, but I crave their guacamole bacon burger (with cheddar, no mayo) with a vengeance. Anywho, I got a salad (it was really good, BTW) and then I only ate half. And drank water. And I had some grapes for dessert when I started getting hungry again.
Splurges/Guilty Pleasures: I’m still with the Dr. Pepper, however Wednesday I had a breakthrough. I drink one 20oz Dr Pepper a day through the week. I decided to get a 12-pk of cans and keep them at work (it’s basically my 2pm caffeine recharge), and allow one can a day. That brings me down to 12oz a day, and saves money. My other splurge this week was beer – I drank a lot of beer, specifically pumpkin beer and Leinenkugel Lemon Berry Shandy.
Recipes/Photos: again, I don’t really have any recipes. I did a similar thing as last week though with adding to a not-healthy food to make it a little healthier. I made baked mac & cheese (a la Betty Crocker), but I added about two cups of leftover roasted chicken, and about two cups of roasted veggies (some of everything in my fridge: onions, asparagus, zucchini, corn), as well as using whole wheat pasta and skim milk and it was delicious and filling, and one pan fed two adults and two children and left three leftover adult lunches.
Also, here's a lunch I had Saturday: open faced half hot beef and cheddar sandwich (thin sliced all), half an orange and cottage cheese. Very satisfying!
For more Cardboard diet posts or to join in, visit LfT!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Ages, smages
Do you ever forget how old you are? When older women do this I used to think “wow, have they been lying about their age so long they can’t remember the truth?” but here I am, never lying about my age, trying to remember if I’m 32 or 33.
I’m 32. That’s the great thing about being born in a decade year. Minimal math necessary. My brother and mom and younger son were also born on decade years. Too bad I have to remember how old I am to remember how old they are, right?
I got a haircut Sunday. It’s very short. As in, all my earrings are longer than my hair, short. I like it though. I was worried that it wouldn’t look good once I was the one doing the styling, but I washed it last night, and styled it this morning and voila! It looks presentable! I couldn’t remember my hair being this short ever, but then my father posted this photo to facebook:
Apparently, I’m five in that photo. I was string-bean tall, so I have a hard time remembering ages (see, then too!) But that fuzzy ear to the right of me seems to be my beloved dog Pi which dates this to before I was six. And always, the books. At least I can point out that I’ve always had several books around me at all times, right? I will advise that I did not go with the 80s bowl cut this time.
And I bought this water slide/slash pool on Target clearance about a month ago and left it in my trunk for when we were having a crisis about what to do around the house. Friday we pulled it out and blew it up, and the kids have been playing with it DAILY. Henry comes home and goes directly to the back door. “Pool!” (It’s amazing how fast that child has picked up speaking. Can’t shut him up now!) Last night was the first night that we didn’t, and that’s just because it rained all day and was still drizzly and gross when they got home. It’s been so much fun! And I can sit on the porch and have a pumpkin beer in peace, too, which is key.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I’m 32. That’s the great thing about being born in a decade year. Minimal math necessary. My brother and mom and younger son were also born on decade years. Too bad I have to remember how old I am to remember how old they are, right?
I got a haircut Sunday. It’s very short. As in, all my earrings are longer than my hair, short. I like it though. I was worried that it wouldn’t look good once I was the one doing the styling, but I washed it last night, and styled it this morning and voila! It looks presentable! I couldn’t remember my hair being this short ever, but then my father posted this photo to facebook:
Apparently, I’m five in that photo. I was string-bean tall, so I have a hard time remembering ages (see, then too!) But that fuzzy ear to the right of me seems to be my beloved dog Pi which dates this to before I was six. And always, the books. At least I can point out that I’ve always had several books around me at all times, right? I will advise that I did not go with the 80s bowl cut this time.
And I bought this water slide/slash pool on Target clearance about a month ago and left it in my trunk for when we were having a crisis about what to do around the house. Friday we pulled it out and blew it up, and the kids have been playing with it DAILY. Henry comes home and goes directly to the back door. “Pool!” (It’s amazing how fast that child has picked up speaking. Can’t shut him up now!) Last night was the first night that we didn’t, and that’s just because it rained all day and was still drizzly and gross when they got home. It’s been so much fun! And I can sit on the porch and have a pumpkin beer in peace, too, which is key.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Oh look! The obligatory vacation post!
You know that feeling when you feel so far removed from something happening that it feels moot to blog about it?
That’s how I feel about my vacation (which just ended Monday). I then wrote this post on Wednesday but had to add pictures ... And already it's (this) close to Sunday.
We had a great time, for the most part. The flight up was easy and the boys were good. I mostly only have pictures of H, because S spent the flight with my in-laws. It was a different experience with a two year old than it was with a one year old like last year. No pacifiers to shove in the mouth when he got whiny. He was actually interested in looking out the window at the city below (although he still couldn’t see well and I moved to have him sit on my lap). He needed more things to keep him busy but he was able to stay busy. He slept for half of both the long flights (there and back). Spencer … well he talked to everyone, everywhere for the entire flights.
When we finally got to Albany we were exhausted, hungry, exhausted, cranky, exhausted, and a little lost. To wrap – we left our house at 6:30am and did not reach the hotel until 4pm. To say we were ALL troopers by that point is not an understatement. We had Linner at the sports bar at the hotel and then tried to go up to the hotel and rest. … … …
HA!
One forgets that children get more riled, not less, when in a hotel room, even a large suite so they have their own room. After a few raucous games of hide and seek and S hitting his forehead so hard on a corner that he had a bruise front and center, I took them down to the pool to burn off some energy. They loved it, but burning off the energy they did not do.
Friday we spent in Saratoga Springs. We visited the horse racing museum because the track was closed (racing ends Labor day, pooh), which was interesting although the kids were scared of the life-sized fake horses, and S was EXTREMELY scared of the horse skeleton. As in, we had to leave that very moment – wouldn’t even wait inside while the grandparents made their hourly trip to the bathroom. I thought he would think it was neat. Henry had to say hi to all the horse photos and all the horse statues and tell them to GO GO GO! (this is done with a right arm fist pump to the sky, yes I should have videotaped it but no, I did not).
We followed that up with a visit to the Saratoga Automobile Museum. Unbeknownst to me, there was a Nascar display going on and my FIL and oldest son LOVE Nascar. This was a big hit (props to Hubs for making the suggestion). I saw very little of the museum because Henry was mad he wasn’t allowed to touch things (I would say “Don’t touch!” and he would say “TOUCH IT! TOUCH IT!” so we spent most of our time in the kids room playing on the two cars and the simulator that he could touch. Didn’t bother me in the least.)
THEN we found our way to downtown Saratoga Springs to meet up with my hilarious long-time blog friend Stacie, the kids rode the old wooden carousel, terrorized the ducks, splashed in the fountain and we ate at an adorable restaurant called Circus Café. We all had a great, exhausting, fun time. We even got to meet Corey and Oliver who were out for a train pull/walk. And I forgot to visit the Springs, which obviously means I will have to go back. Darn.
All of the above happened before 3pm, so we bid adieu to Stacie (frowny face), sent my in-laws on their way back to Albany, and we drove through the lower part of the Adirondacks while Henry got a nap. We found Mater and Lightening in Edelton, NY, and Hubs and I got to enjoy ourselves looking at the countryside. I took no pictures, because I’ve gotten terrible about that.
Back in Albany, we stopped at Kurver Kreme for ice cream (perfect day to do it, they closed for the season the next day!) and headed back to the hotel so the kids could play games in the Sports bar, we could have a drink, and meet up with some family who were staying in the same hotel but came in a day later than us.
Saturday was wedding day, but not until later so we headed out to the Tugboat Roundup. I found this while on my quest to find things for us to do, so I had no idea what to expect but it was such a cute little festival! The kids got to tour tugboats and see several different kinds of boats. S danced to the cute music that was set up on the largest boat, and we saw the Erie Canal and the Lock system.
We did more swimming once we got back to the hotel to keep us occupied, and then we headed down to the Catskills to the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. So many different quirky details … that I took pictures of none (I told you, I’m terrible at this). It rained terribly during the ceremony and the first part of the reception, but thankfully waited until after we all danced out of the tent for a bead toss to The Saints Go Marching and got back under the tent. We left around 10pm when the party was still in full gear (we are old and very young).
On our last day in Albany, we brunched at Café Madison which was delicious! (again, no pictures, I need a flash). Our flight was late and we had a lot of horrible experiences with the airlines but we finally got home very late Sunday night, all in one piece more or less. I love going away, but even more I love coming home.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
That’s how I feel about my vacation (which just ended Monday). I then wrote this post on Wednesday but had to add pictures ... And already it's (this) close to Sunday.
We had a great time, for the most part. The flight up was easy and the boys were good. I mostly only have pictures of H, because S spent the flight with my in-laws. It was a different experience with a two year old than it was with a one year old like last year. No pacifiers to shove in the mouth when he got whiny. He was actually interested in looking out the window at the city below (although he still couldn’t see well and I moved to have him sit on my lap). He needed more things to keep him busy but he was able to stay busy. He slept for half of both the long flights (there and back). Spencer … well he talked to everyone, everywhere for the entire flights.
When we finally got to Albany we were exhausted, hungry, exhausted, cranky, exhausted, and a little lost. To wrap – we left our house at 6:30am and did not reach the hotel until 4pm. To say we were ALL troopers by that point is not an understatement. We had Linner at the sports bar at the hotel and then tried to go up to the hotel and rest. … … …
HA!
One forgets that children get more riled, not less, when in a hotel room, even a large suite so they have their own room. After a few raucous games of hide and seek and S hitting his forehead so hard on a corner that he had a bruise front and center, I took them down to the pool to burn off some energy. They loved it, but burning off the energy they did not do.
Friday we spent in Saratoga Springs. We visited the horse racing museum because the track was closed (racing ends Labor day, pooh), which was interesting although the kids were scared of the life-sized fake horses, and S was EXTREMELY scared of the horse skeleton. As in, we had to leave that very moment – wouldn’t even wait inside while the grandparents made their hourly trip to the bathroom. I thought he would think it was neat. Henry had to say hi to all the horse photos and all the horse statues and tell them to GO GO GO! (this is done with a right arm fist pump to the sky, yes I should have videotaped it but no, I did not).
We followed that up with a visit to the Saratoga Automobile Museum. Unbeknownst to me, there was a Nascar display going on and my FIL and oldest son LOVE Nascar. This was a big hit (props to Hubs for making the suggestion). I saw very little of the museum because Henry was mad he wasn’t allowed to touch things (I would say “Don’t touch!” and he would say “TOUCH IT! TOUCH IT!” so we spent most of our time in the kids room playing on the two cars and the simulator that he could touch. Didn’t bother me in the least.)
THEN we found our way to downtown Saratoga Springs to meet up with my hilarious long-time blog friend Stacie, the kids rode the old wooden carousel, terrorized the ducks, splashed in the fountain and we ate at an adorable restaurant called Circus Café. We all had a great, exhausting, fun time. We even got to meet Corey and Oliver who were out for a train pull/walk. And I forgot to visit the Springs, which obviously means I will have to go back. Darn.
All of the above happened before 3pm, so we bid adieu to Stacie (frowny face), sent my in-laws on their way back to Albany, and we drove through the lower part of the Adirondacks while Henry got a nap. We found Mater and Lightening in Edelton, NY, and Hubs and I got to enjoy ourselves looking at the countryside. I took no pictures, because I’ve gotten terrible about that.
Back in Albany, we stopped at Kurver Kreme for ice cream (perfect day to do it, they closed for the season the next day!) and headed back to the hotel so the kids could play games in the Sports bar, we could have a drink, and meet up with some family who were staying in the same hotel but came in a day later than us.
Saturday was wedding day, but not until later so we headed out to the Tugboat Roundup. I found this while on my quest to find things for us to do, so I had no idea what to expect but it was such a cute little festival! The kids got to tour tugboats and see several different kinds of boats. S danced to the cute music that was set up on the largest boat, and we saw the Erie Canal and the Lock system.
We did more swimming once we got back to the hotel to keep us occupied, and then we headed down to the Catskills to the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. So many different quirky details … that I took pictures of none (I told you, I’m terrible at this). It rained terribly during the ceremony and the first part of the reception, but thankfully waited until after we all danced out of the tent for a bead toss to The Saints Go Marching and got back under the tent. We left around 10pm when the party was still in full gear (we are old and very young).
On our last day in Albany, we brunched at Café Madison which was delicious! (again, no pictures, I need a flash). Our flight was late and we had a lot of horrible experiences with the airlines but we finally got home very late Sunday night, all in one piece more or less. I love going away, but even more I love coming home.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, September 13, 2012
CB diet - a new beginning
Rather than even pretend that I’ve been trying to stick to this plan, I’m just going to throw it out there that I have not been good about any part of sticking to this. So this is my new beginning.
Weigh-in: After vacation, I am officially 151.8. That’s two pounds up from what I was twelve weeks ago when we started this thing. This is my new “starting weight”. My goal is still 135.
Exercise: This is where I failed before. I have to exercise. I swam in New York and carried babies so often that I couldn’t sleep one night, my arm was so sore I had to take pain meds. I also started a running regiment again – first time since May! I ran two miles in intervals on Monday, and 3.2 miles in intervals on Wednesday. I’m taking it slow, and I’m not beating myself up about the length of the run or how much I walk during it. Better each time, right?
Successes: My major success is getting out and running. This was a major speed bump for me, so hopefully it will be better now that I’ve started.
Splurges: Vacation was one big splurge, food-wise. Now that I’m home, I’m getting better. However, I bought figs on a whim at the store and didn’t know what to do with them, so I made an ice cream topping. Which meant we needed ice cream. Ice cream topped with figs and syrup, blueberries and fresh whipped cream.
Recipes/photos: I don’t really have any, however I saw this post on FoodLush right before my drive home the other day and while I knew my kids wouldn’t eat it, it sounded delicious to me! So what I did was, I had some of those prepackaged/chemical delight Pasta Sides that my littlest LOVES. I made one of them, made zucchini noodles sautéed with shallots and garlic mixed in some roasted chicken and leftover acorn squash, It was delicious and filling and all the extras helped offset how NOT good for you those sides are. And Henry ate two portions (okay, he may have eaten just the pasta but I ate his zucchini noodles!)
(this is my leftovers in the awesome paper bowl I used to eat from at work.)
For more Cardboard diet posts or to join in, visit LfT!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Books I've read: August
The Art of Fielding - Chad Harbach I liked it, but it went really slow.
The Body in the Boudour - Katherine Hall Page audiobook while I drove 3 hours across the state and back for a work obligation. This is the way to experience Page, I think. Or the book was better than some of her others.
Lunch in Paris - Elizabeth Bard cute, but a little trite. Good reading for the airplane.
Backseat Saints - Joshilyn Jackson it probably says something about a book when you honestly can't remember it AT ALL.
Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter - Tom Franklin Read for book club, enjoyed immensely.
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer - Michelle Hodkin I felt very Meh about the whole book, and then the end sucked me in and now I'm going to have to read the sequel. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Shadow of Night - Deborah Harkness It was much more complicated than the first, and the storyline made more sense, but I liked it less.
Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern Very slow beginning, very enjoyable middle, scared I wouldn't like the end (I did), and then about a chapter of narcissistic exposition at the end annoyed me.
Daughter of Smoke and Bone - Laini Taylor Loved it, can't wait for the next. Kind of annoyed that I have to wait for it.
Dry Bones - Peter May this was an audiobook, and I got to listen to all the accents - Scottish, French ... it was delightful. Oh, I really enjoyed the story too, although in an audiobook it's harder to ignore overused expressions like "she turned to him with shining eyes"
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