Trying to keep my head above water

So two days into work and I already feel like I'm drowning. When I left I knew every file I had, and where I was on it, what needed to be done. Now even the files that are still mine (which is about 90% of them) I don't know what is going on with them. Plus I have about 45 new files, 30 of which are in a system I've never worked. I started today by just writing expense checks in the new system and even that was complicated. I know I can figure it all out eventually, but it's just frustrating. And in the meantime I have to get some semblance of work done, right?

I just want to go home. But really, I know I should want to go home and be with my son but more than that I want to go home and take a nap. Why does working have to be so stressful and hard?

I think that I'm insulted by the amount of people that now tell me how I "look like a mom now". What's that about? I go out and get professional looking clothes because my work attire was very casual before and now I "look like a mom". So what they're saying is I don't look like a teenager anymore, which is good but in saying that they make me feel like I look old instead of saying that I look good now. Blah.

Anyhow, I'm heading home. Christen is taking me for sushi, which I couldn't be happier about at this moment. :)

****update -- this really was the day from hell - I got rear-ended again! This makes twice in two months, and I just got my bumper replaced from the last one! This time it was worse, so I hope it's just my bumper and nothing more that costs more. The lady wants to take care of it herself but I got her insurance info anyhow. I better not get burned on this. I'm so annoyed.

Back to Square One

So our offer was not accepted on the house. We were told it was a good offer, and it was around the same amount as the other offer, but the people who got it made a cash offer with no financing. Damn investors, taking our house out from under us.

I know it "wasn't meant to be". But really, that's such an annoying phrase. Is it supposed to be less upsetting to know that we weren't "meant" to have that house? I don't really believe in fate, except in retrospect. I just hope they have major issues with it and have to drop a ton of money into the place. That's all I can do. Is that evil?

We are looking at more houses tomorrow; hopefully it will be a successful day.

We went to Square One burgers today for lunch. It looked very nice (and yuppy), and the onion rings were pretty good. We went specifically so that Christen could have their "Kobe burger". He wasn't impressed (I thought it had a good flavor, but not $14 good, especially with no sides). I got the "Angus hot dog" (fancy $6.25 way of saying all-beef) and I wasn't impressed at all -- they served it on a hamburger bun!!! I know it's a burger place, but if you are going to put a hot dog on your menu, spring for the hot dog buns. Just a piece of advice. Do me a solid, you know?

So it was just alright, and I doubt we'll go back. If we do, I'm ordering the cheese fries because those looked tasty. And I'm not going to get my hopes up so much when I read a review from the Trib, because they must have gotten better service than I did. I bet they may have even gotten their plain hot dog right on the first try.

That 100 things post, part one

So I've been blogging for (hold on, let me look) (since 7/06/04 ... calculate the time ...) 3 years, 5 months and a bunch of days. What, did you expect me to get it down to the hour? Well, I almost did but I didn't want you to think I was OCD.

Anyhow, I've been blogging for a really long time. And in that time I've been reading a number of different blogs and almost all do the "100 things about me" post. I haven't, and not because I don't have the time. I just don't have the attention span. So I was over at Michele's waiting for the Weekend thingie to start because I really don't want to get up and get ready for the day and I clicked on a random sidebar person. She had been working on her 100 things, in increments. And I thought, I can do that! So here goes on the start of my 100 things until I can't think of any more or I just get bored:

1. I have a half-brother and a foster sister that are 10 and 12 years younger than me, respectively. I spent a lot of time raising them before I moved out and I always feel more like their mother or some other older relative than their sister.


2. I used to be the lone copy editor and then the editor in chief of a small online magazine that made a 2-issue foray into print, called Today's Cacher. I feel like that was the one time I had a taste of what I wanted for work, even though I wasn't getting paid for it.


3. My only current hobby is all things internet, but some day I hope to get back to some of those previous activities and even pick up some more (more on those later).

And now Spencer's awake and doesn't want to let me type, so I'll have to resume later! This list might take a very long time!

You make stalking sexy

I was listening to our local 80s station tonight (which also plays 70s and 90s and even some early 2000 music ... don't get me started -- isn't there enough enough 80s music to keep a station running?) and Sting's I'll be Watching You came on.

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you

I remember that song from when I was young and I never really knew what it was about. Then, about a year ago I was watching VH1 and they referred to this song and said that it "made stalking sexy". So of course now I always think about stalking when I hear it.

Anyhow, it came on tonight and I was singing along for Spencer when I started thinking about cyber-stalking. Not the scary kind, but one specific instance when my favorite New Yorker and I used to lurk on the blog of a certain whiny my-fiction-is-better-than-your-fiction, sucking-dick-doesn't-mean-i'm-gay, 9.5-inch-cock-but-yearns-for-10 ex-boyfriend of said New Yorker. And we'd talk about it. As a matter of fact, his online fights with his psycho girlfriend were priceless.

I wonder what happened to that blog. And certain person know if it's still active? And is there any body else worthy of cyber-stalking?

BTW, this post sounded so much more interesting in my head when I was thinking it in the car.

Twitter

Okay, so I've bitten. If you're on Twitter (besides you, Mrs. Mogul, I'm already following you hehe) let me know and I'll follow you! Also, if you follow me I might be more inclined to update more often than once every 18 days! Just follow the link-y-doo to the right here. I even changed my text color so you can notice it!

Suzanne, you know you want to!

Also, there are posts below this, so scrolly scrolly!

Updates on mommyhood

Spencer did well at daycare yesterday. When I picked him up at 4:30 he was very subdued and they said that he had been a very quiet baby and gave me a paper that said when they fed him and when they changed his diapers. He fell asleep the moment he got in the car and slept until about 7 with very little interruptions (slept through dinner at Five Guys ... he really likes to sleep there evidently). I fed him formula when we got home and he took it well with just a little of turning away. I'm pretty sure it confused him because I was feeding him but it didn't taste like it usually did. He was so happy when we got home -- if he's like this every day I'll really enjoy taking him to daycare even if I miss him. He went to bed around 10:30 and has been sleeping ever since. Nice.

So this is the first time in 10 weeks I'm awake for reasons other than Spencer. I've decided to stop breastfeeding as of yesterday. He had two formula bottles and I've noticed a drastic difference in the volume of spit-up and gas immediately. I have about 4 meals frozen, and I think I'm going to intersperse those meals to him throughout the next couple days so it's not a complete change from breast milk to formula. However, since I'm no longer breastfeeding or pumping, my boobs hurt so much! I've been waking up all night, and finally at 4:15 I took a hot shower so that they wouldn't hurt quite so much even though I know I'm not supposed to. I put on one of my pre-breastfeeding bras so that it would be snug, and now I'm just sitting here, deciding if I should go back to bed for an hour or not. It was my intention to start getting up at 5:30 starting today to get used to going back to work and to see how long it takes to get both of us ready in the mornings so I can be on time on Monday.

I have made an appointment regarding my last post for Thursday after a good talk with the nurse, so hopefully that will be cleared up before going back to work.

Spencer is doing very well on all fronts. He smiles and coos and laughs, he loves to stand even though he can't support his back so I have to hold him up. He can hold his head up briefly from his tummy, but I'm trying to do more tummy time (I hate that he hates it so much) so that he can get used to doing the stuff that he's supposed to that way. He sleeps mostly through the night, and he's getting better on naps (daycare will help on the structure of that I'm sure).

Anyhow, I think I may lay down again and see if I can sleep. Blah for pain!

Daycare, Sex and Putting an offer in (no subject related there)

Spencer started daycare this morning. He was in a very good mood, and I hated giving him to someone else when he was happy and smiling (no problems handing him off when he won't stop crying) but it had to be done. I go back to work on Monday and I want to get used to taking him in before work. This morning we didn't get there until 9am, but tomorrow and Friday I'm going to get up and get ready like I'm going to work so I'm used to it before next week. The people there are very nice ... the only problem I have is that I don't think the infant teacher speaks any English. When I was talking to them about his gas problems and swaddling etc, the director kept translating for me. It was very odd. Unfortunately in this area I don't think I really have a choice, and I'd rather have very nice and clean people who don't speak English watching my son rather than sketching dirty people who speak English taking care of him.

We had his doctor's visit yesterday -- he got 4 shots and an oral vaccine! He was in a terrible mood after that, but thankfully he slept through the night, likely because he didn't feel well and the screaming like crazy tired him out. The doctor listened to my concerns about his gas and about breastfeeding, and we've decided to wean him to formula. I'm a little excited about that, and I hope everything goes well. I'm still pumping today, but I'm going to start with every other feeding as formula and then get him completely on formula maybe by next week. Christen says, "It's good to know all the money for the fancy pump went to good use" but I told him maybe the next baby will be a little more cooperative on my boobs.

Here's the part where I get into the TMI -- I haven't had sex since Spencer was born. First I was bleeding for 6 weeks, then I started a period almost immediately (yes I know it's not supposed to happen when you're breastfeeding but no one told my body). Then I got my IUD and I've been spotting every day since. But over the past week or so we've tried to have sex and it hurts and we haven't gone for it and I'm not sure what to do about it. I feel like a virgin again. Should I act like it's a bandaid and just go for it? Should I talk to my doctor? Should I just get really drunk?

Back to the normal part of this blog, I'm putting in an offer on a house today. I'm not really worried about the money part of it although I should. I'm mostly worried that we won't get it. I'm excited to own a home. I'm excited to live on my own again. Christen says his mom is bummed because she thought we'd be around longer, but really we may not move for 3 months anyhow. I'm excited to be able to hang around in the buff again. But the house is 4 bedrooms, 2 bath with a pool and a fireplace. It needs a lot of sprucing up but not a huge amount of work before moving in -- carpet and paint, mostly. I'm super excited so cross your fingers that we get it and that the mortgage crisis has ended!

I know my kid's a star

Have you seen this show? The newest Danny Bonaduce vehicle. How do these parents sleep at night? And to have Bonaduce host it -- yes, children, we will get you on tv, but you'll be sentenced to a life of boozing, drugs and bad tv. Let's go for it!

I've thought of posting several times, but I just don't have the attention span lately. I've even opened a post but never got past naming it. Blah.


Tuesday 4/15 was our anniversary. My, what a difference a year makes! It feels like yesterday, yet it feels like forever. It really feels like forever since we were in California. We talk about the vineyards and the restaurants and the wine all the time. We decided not to get each other anything for our anniversary. I didn't know that meant I wouldn't get flowers, but I made the "no gifts" rule so I wasn't going to complain. We went for a very nice dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse where we spent too much money but had a wonderful time. I had the filet and shrimp which was fabulous (well, the filet was fabulous; the shrimp were a little dry but they tasted good once I turned them in the steak juice). Christen had the NY Strip which he said was good but that he had had better. We shared garlic mashed potatoes which were good but nothing special, and creamed spinach which was divine. We split a bottle of B.R.Cohn Cabernet which was quite delicious but oddly I didn't even get a buzz from, and they comp'ed a creme brulee for our celebratory dinner (very tasty but Ceviche's is better). All in all, a very lovely dinner. The in-laws kept Spencer for the few hours that we were out.

The rest of this past week has been unbelievably stressful. I'm hoping we're through the worst of the stress, because really I'm not sure I can handle much more. Thank you for every one who has called or emailed. I'm alright really, and it has nothing to do with Christen or Spencer (except that Spencer starts daycare on Tuesday and I'm not really looking forward to that). Things will work out, and I really don't want to talk about it with anyone else other than who I have already discussed things with, but thank you all for your help. I am so glad to know that there really are people there for me. I know I'm not alone, but sometimes it's hard to remember.

contact dermatitis, yeah, it's what I got (can you remember that?)

To the tune of Love Is.

I made these today for lunch -- mmm, mmm good. However, my reaction to the raw jalapenos (burning red fingers) made me finally realize what is wrong with me -- contact dermatitis. I have the same issue with Tide detergent and raw shrimp. Odd gamut of issue items, yes? Jalapenos not as bad as shrimp -- shrimp makes me scream in agony. Last time my clothes were washed in Tide I had to throw most of them away. The jalapenos just make my finger tips burn and get a little red and scaly.

So I think I'm going to have to invest in another box of non-powdered latex gloves for cooking with.

Spencer's not been feeling well today. He was screaming most of the day unless I held him, and he took a short nap on his changing table while I hung out in his room making sure he was still safe because I didn't want to move him and chance waking him up. I've fed him gas medicine and he seems to finally be coming out of it, so he's hanging out in his chair next to me filling his diaper. Knowing my luck he'll be feeling completely better by the time Christen is home and he'll be all smiles for me. Lucky bastard.

Dreams and mortgage whining

I have strange dreams every night. I used to talk about them all the time, but anymore I don't bother unless there's one that really upsets me.

Last night Spencer decided he didn't want to back to sleep when he woke up at 3am after nearly tearing off my nipple when he ate, so we hung out watching television until after 7am, at which time he finally dozed back off and I was able to go back to sleep. I dreamt that Autumn was down, and she and I and Joy were hanging out together. It was stormy, like it was on Sunday, and the sky was dark all day. We were having lunch that Joy cooked and Autumn was lecturing me very angrily that I need to thank Joy for all she's done for me and invite her back to my house for dinner, and I was saying that I have thanked Joy and that I'm grateful but that I can't bring her back to my house for dinner because I don't have a house. I was crying a lot in the dream. After all that I was driving them somewhere in the middle of the night and I fell asleep at a traffic light and it took four hours to get from somewhere South County to Palm Harbor. The traffic lights were out and there were burned cars in intersections that I had to keep maneuvering around.

I also kept losing Spencer, and then when I'd find him he'd be in his car seat at the bottom of an empty pool, the seat on its side and two inches of water in the pool from the rain.


***

More mortgage woes; the market is so bad in Florida that they make it near impossible to get a mortgage. I'm going to have an ulcer by the time this is done.

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Pedigree - Geneology

ahhh ... mmmm ....

Well, I've never seen a $258 check before, but there it was. Not that it was all ours and it was definitely worth the money ... just not every day. Ceviche was amazing, as always.

We went with Acie/Tom and Steph/George and had a delightful time. There were stuffed artichokes, duck with chocolate sauce, mushrooms, veal meatballs, fillet, goat cheese (ahh, let me remember the goat cheese), olives, pancheta (sp?), sangria, creme brulee, almond croissants ... we didn't order smart which is what ran our bill up, but everything was so good it was worth it. We don't do that often. We went to the new Tampa location since they moved down Howard in SoHo as the races were going on in St. Pete and we figured it would be crazy down there. The new location is beautiful (although I never went to the old location in Tampa) but there's still something I like about the St. Pete one a little better - the packed seating, the waiter whose accent is so thick you can't understand but love to hear him recite the menu options ... next time we go back, we make reservations afterward for the dessert room at Bern's since it's two blocks away. Mmmm .... I'm already salivating again.

Oh, and the boy was on his best behavior. He didn't sleep through much of the meal but he hung out and relished being adored. He did scream all the way home, but such is life. I'm getting used to him doing that to me -- when he's done in the car, he's done and it doesn't matter how far from home you are. He doesn't want to be in the seat anymore. This is three times. At least he is on good behavior around others; I can deal with the crying every once in awhile.

Knights in White Satin

My brother and I keep talking about old songs that I love and he makes fun of. Of which he makes fun. Whatevs. This is from the boy whose favorite song is Blinded By the Light. His second favorite song is something from Der Toten Hosen. Yes, we're a highly eclectic family. Just because between Christen and I we know all the words to Bust a Move, it's nothing to be embarassed by when we sing along in public.

He insists that Blue Oyster Cult is considered metal. How can they be? There's melody there.

Anywho, the bebe slept 8 hours straight last night. I only woke up because my boobs hurt, and Christen was getting him back to sleep because he had gotten a little restless and I told him I needed to feed him. Pronto. So I did and he went back to sleep for another 2 1/2 hours. What is this every other night thing?

Right now he's being a cranky babe, so maybe that will mean he'll be in good spirits when we meet Acie/Tom and Steph/George for dinner at Ceviche. So excited for that!

It's 11:28pm -- do you know where your kids are?

I should be sleeping, like the snoring oaf next to me (yes, that's my husband. he snores like a champ). But I'm not, obviously. Why not? Who knows.

I need a baby carrier. We have a Baby Bjorn, but it's so hot and uncomfortable (Christen likes it; he can keep it). I have a sling that was made for me too, but I can't seem to get used to it; it makes me feel like I'm smothering the kid. After seeing Joy's, I think I want one of those Mai Tai carriers like this:


But I don't want to pay $90 for it. Any ideas? I want one with very little padding because I get so hot with those things, but the Birdman seems to be obsessed with being carried lately and it would be a lot easier on my back, I'm sure.

So I had to be out of the house today for at least three hours while the bugman was here, and Ann and I went to brunch at Nicki's ... very good. I only had the fruit platter because I was overwhelmed with choices, but everything looked good (even Ann's hash, and yuck - it was hash) so I will have to go back and try something real. After that Spencer and I went to Kohl's to get some more work clothes for me ... does anybody else's kid hate dressing rooms? He would be fast asleep and as soon as I got into the dressing room he would be awake and crying. Bastard. hehe, not really though :)

Anyhow, I really must get some sleep while the rest of the house is slumbering as well. And by the rest of the house I really mean Spencer - he's the only one who counts, right? I wonder if I could smother Christen to get him to stop snoring, just long enough for me to get to sleep.

On a side note ...

Did anyone see How I Met Your Mother last night? The Doogie reference at the end was priceless.

That is all. I sleep now.

It's 6am I must be dreaming

I’m not sure that what I had to go through last night was worth tonight’s bliss, but I’ll take it. Spencer and I had a marvelous time yesterday. We met the girls for girls’ lunch at Panera and it was delish -- it’s been a long time since I had Panera ... mmm, mmm good. Spencer was good fun and the girls took turns holding him and getting him to laugh.

Then we met Theresa and Alexa and baby Cash at the Ruby Tuesday’s in Tyrone and I had dessert (I didn’t mean to but boy was it good - strawberries and ice cream on this ridiculously-sized puff pastry that I didn’t chow into). After eating they took turns holding him through the mall and making him laugh, and then we went to the new Old Navy which now looks like every other teeny bopper store instead of the old warehouse style. It looks really good, but I’m mostly excited that they have new clothes that are super cute. I’m less excited that it seems like they have less sales. We shall see.

After that we went back to Tree’s house (hehe, treehouse ...) and hung out with the baby boys (Theresa got some cute pics of the boys ... Tree, I need those pics ) and had dinner which was also muy delicioso (do I care if my foreign spelling is right? I think not).

The problem was Spencer maybe slept a total of 1/2 hour the whole day ... 10 minute breaks in the car and a brief catnap at Tree’s, so on the 45 minute drive home which included a brief interlude at CompUSA to make an exchange, he screamed bloody freaking murder. I changed him in the uber-sketchy parking lot of CompUSA just in case that was his issue (it wasn’t) and held him for a few minutes outside the car which didn’t really help, but mostly he screamed. You know when he fell asleep? about 45 seconds before we got home. On a side note, we were listening to NPR all the way home to preserve my sanity and drowned him out and the one time he stopped crying was when the dude was talking between songs. Maybe I need a recording of that guy.

But we got home around 9:15pm, and I fed him as much as his little belly would hold and he slept ... from about 9:45 until 5am. 5am! That’s more than 7 hours! Christen woke me up at 4:30 and goes "I haven’t heard him, do you think he’s okay? Should we wake him???" but I had heard him make sleep noises here and there so I convinced him not to wake him, and he woke at 5am for food and changing. I’m pretty sure he’s back asleep now (I’ve been trying to keep myself awake for a few minutes after putting him down in case I have to get back up to insert pacifier) so I’m going to catch a few more zzz’s because he’ll be up between 7:30 and 8 and I doubt he’ll go back to sleep then. Toodles!

BTW, SwaddleMe+White Noise+Sleep Positioner= a great night’s sleep!