Skipping by

So I haven’t been post real posts in a little bit, honestly, because I’m still a little bit of a mess. I wish I wasn’t; I wish I was bouncing back appropriately but it seems like I feel better and Bam! Emeril hits me upside the head and I’m sobbing in a corner. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like that interesting to read about. I don’t know if I want to look back at this time and remember how down I was, how out of control my anxiety is.

I saw my doctor a few weeks ago, but I was having a good day and I really truly thought I was heading in the right direction. The good direction. I’m going to work on it some more myself to see if I can get myself out of meltdown city, but I know where I am and I know if it’s not working I can call her. I have a plan in place. I’m going to try some herbal supplements that have no known drug interactions, and I’m going to hope that somehow something makes a difference.

I don’t want to remember feeling this way. I want to remember the good things. I think that is why people sometimes make their lives look so good on their blogs, on Instagram, on facebook. Who wants to look back to last weekend and remember not getting out of pjs all day because you could not put that much effort into living? Who wants to think back to yesterday when you accidentally broke something irreplaceable of your kids’ in a hysterical attempt to make sure there were no fire hazards in the house, and then you sat on a foot stool in the middle of your living room and just wept?

Not Me.

So things are not good. All of the above happened, including a huge hysteria where I was sure there was something on fire in my air conditioning and I broke things that can’t be replaced and today where I spent most of the day right on that edge where you can’t stop crying. I didn’t start, which is good because I wouldn’t have stopped.

But some things, some excellent things, have happened. I “ran” a race that was actually a scavenger hunt. I had been looking for a way out of it for weeks because I didn’t train at all, but instead I went with an old friend and a new friend and had a great time.

We went to the Epcot Food and Wine Festival and ate and drank our way around the countries – it was delicious and amazing. Canadian Filet Mignon with mushrooms and a truffle sauce, Italian Prosecco and chocolate cannoli, Brazilian cheese bread and coconut candy, craft beer flights, kimchi hot dogs, perogis, lobster ravioli, fried plantains … I’m sure there was more, but so much. It was lovely. It was a gorgeous day and we all had a good time.

When all is said and done, this is what I want to remember. These happy faces, including mine.