Hello there, from the other side of vacation!

So! It turns out, like everyone else, I need a vacation from vacation. I actually took two extra days off, but is any amount of days enough days? I had three doctor and dentist appointments within those two days, and one of them included me holding my terrified 9yo's hand while he got his first fillings while his terrified brother hugged me from the back and cried because he was scared for his brother.

Sigh.

But all that is over and I'm now mired in work and everything is an emergency and yay, good to be back!!

Mondays are so very Monday, this one more so.

Taking five minutes to decompress and feel some feels before I button back up and get myself on track.

And I don't even know if that gif will show up but whatever.

My aunt passed away in her sleep last night, quite unexpectedly. She had a lot of health problems but she wasn't ill, per se, so it's all very sudden and her loss is immense.

Logistically, she also was the one who dealt with a lot of the family stuff that no one else could, so there's a lot of chaos surrounding this sudden departure - money woes, who will take care of my grandmother, her 16yo autistic son, my uncle with stage four cancer (who also takes care of a lot but someone needs to work and also cancer and 16yo kid). Anyhow, it's all a lot.

I have a dentist appointment this afternoon for some fillings and I think I'll sit down in the chair and say "listen, I just want to put my audiobook on and close my eyes and let you drill on my teeth for an hour. It will be a relief that I can't be expected to do anything else for that time."

What we’re eating this week

Are you flummoxed by how to feed your family while attending baseball/ballet/ four nights a week? Me too, friends, me too. I figure by the time I get ahold of it, baseball will be over and there will be new challenges to face. I did get back to meal planning, and that’s the first step. So here’s what we will be eating (and I’ll go ahead and tell you what changes will be made to each day so children are placated):

Monday: chicken ramen (for children I’ll fish the chicken and the noodles out of the broth and serve them sans egg or veggies) (baseball day, I’ll make everything minus cooking the noodles and throw it all together while the kids are in showers.)

Tuesday: Asian turkey burgers and mini tater tots – these are usually made with pork but I have some excellent ground turkey in the freezer so I’m going to use that. I use this recipe from Blue Apron that we all adore.  I might not be home until dinner time so C will need to make dinner. No changes are necessary except Henry doesn’t eat buns so his is cut up and Spencer doesn’t have cucumbers or cilantro on his burger.

Wednesday: slow cooker carnitas this recipe, and I’m printing it out so C can make it while I’m at work. Baseball day and ALSO school testing day (sigh) which means kids need to eat BEFORE baseball so they get to bed at a reasonable time. They’ll probably get a pile of meat with grapes and yogurt.

Thursday: tinkerbell quesadilla w/ lime crema and eggs This is also a Blue Apron recipe that I adore. I use those little sweet peppers to remake this recipe and it’s delicious and easy. Kids will get either egg and cheese in a tortilla or scrambled eggs and cheese quesadillas. It’s possible this is also a baseball day and no one has told me yet, so thankfully this is a very easy recipe. I’ll make the veggies before baseball and throw it together during showers.

Friday: homemade pizzas. TBH, I usually buy a ball of pizza dough from Publix to make homemade pizza, but I think this week I’ll make Pioneer Woman’s pizza dough, which is pretty easy. I’ll make it earlier in the week so it’s a quick meal when we are ready to go, and everyone can add their own toppings. I’m thinking mushroom and black olive for me, pepperoni for S, plain cheese for H and all of the above for C. I grill it as long as the propane is full up.

Saturday: THIS COUPLE will have been MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS! To celebrate, after a full day of baseball games, they are shipping the kids off to the grandparents and eating at Edison food + drink lab. Color me super excited!

Dear god, I blogged.

It's been awhile.

So long, in fact, that I thought long and hard about closing up shop and deciding I’m no longer a blogger. I tried to decide if I’d be okay with that. I so seldom have time for blogging. As it is right now, I’m taking a 15 minute break from my long list of duties to type something out. I don’t know what will come out. It will probably be rambly and not interesting and is anyone reading these days anyhow? Comment if you’re actually reading. It’s okay.

Anyhow, my brain is still being worked on. The road back from rock bottom of mental illness is not linear and that’s a hard pill (ha!) to swallow.(Okay, so maybe it wasn’t rock bottom but it was definitely the lowest point I’ve seen since college and I’ve had a lot of low points in the last 13 years)  I have a couple doctors working on me, and I’m working on me quite a bit. I’ve been exercising like gangbusters, which has helped my mental state some, and I’m also on meds and in therapy and reading self-help books and I HATE SELF HELP BOOKS, GUYS.

Also helpful is that I’ve taken a couple of real, honest to god vacations. Vacations that I’ve actually come back from feeling refreshed. Whoddathunk that taking a break actually helps? Amazing. I went to Chicago and Michigan with a good friend. I took an entire week off with my family and took a four-day road trip with them that wasn’t over stuffed with activities. I’m heading to Sedona in a couple weeks with a big group of girlfriends. We’re planning a weekend camping trip in May. So much extracurriculars; so much fun.

Work is still hard; I love my job but I have trouble seeing myself doing this for the next 30 years. I’ve thought about what to do when I grow up – do I want to go to law school? Do I want to get my masters? I think what I want to do is get my Masters in Library Science. I think this is what I was meant for. I’ve adored libraries, bookstores, the feel of books around me ever since I was a tot. Thinking about getting the schooling to make that happen fills me with excitement instead of dread.  There’s so much to feel dread about in the world. Hope matters too.

So I’m going to try to keep this up. This space matters to me. I’m not sure what it will become – maybe I’ll start posting my book recommendations again, my lists of what I’ve read, what I’ve listened to, where I’ve eaten and what beers I’ve drank. My obsession with my Winc subscription. Things that have helped my head space lately. What I’ve cooked. Do these sound relatively fun to read about?

Toodlo-oo, my friends. Happy Friday.