Books I read: April

reread:

24. Witch of Blackbird Pond - Elizabeth George Spear

25. Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

26. Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins

27. Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins

28. Lost & Found - Chris Van Hakes

29. Prince of Tides - Pat Conroy (I have to say, his recent autobiography REALLY turned me off to his books. I suggest if you love Conroy's books, don't read Death of Santini. It will ruin it for you)

30. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

31. Daughter of Smoke and Bone - Laini Taylor

new:

18. Wounded - Lindsay Buroker There was nothing special about this book, which disappointed me because Lindsay is one of my favorite authors. However, she has such a gift for banter between the sexes - I wish I were that witty in real life.

19. Bitter Kingdom - Rae Carson I put this off because I had such a hard time remembering the storyline and I shouldn't have - I think it's the best in the series. Simply fabulous. And I'm so glad they stopped belaboring the point of her size. It stops mattering at some point, yes? (that was my only complaint about the first two books, and now I want to immediately reread them all)

20. Shadow Cats - Rae Carson This was a novella in the same world as Bitter Kingdom. It was good, but Bitter Kingdom was better.

21. Balanced on the Blade's Edge - Lindsay Buroker Again, she's so good with banter. This was back to the fantasy that she's so fantastic at. Not quite as good as the EE books, but a very promising start to a new series.

22. The Witch's Daughter - Paula Brackston Once I got past the diary style of this, I thought it was very good and very well written. Good.

23. Republic - Lindsay Buroker Now this was what I was waiting for. I'll read about these characters gladly for the rest of my life.

24. Bread & Wine - Shauna Niequist Not what I was expecting; it was a little more religious than I'm comfortable with reading, and I'm not such for essays, but it was excellent writing and I felt genuinely choked up several times. It was very good, and if a little preachy doesn't turn you off (it's not necessarily in a bad way, just more constant than I was expecting) I think you would really really enjoy this book.

Odds and Ends

- My very favorite shoes have a hole in the toe and it’s causing me great distress. They are not the type of shoes that can be resoled, so I think I might have to get rid of them and man, I hate that. They are so very perfect. Michelle D, red patent leather flats with white stitching and white rubber soles. I wear them endlessly … until now. It’s a very sad day.

- Maybe it’s because of my anguish, but I cut my bangs last night. Why on earth I am so scared to find a new stylist since mine moved I don’t know, and furthermore I don’t know why I think I could do a better job on my bangs than a real stylist no matter WHAT their abilities. But it’s done, and I have bangs again. They aren’t super even but not scary choppy so I’ll leave them. When they grow out a little maybe I’ll go for a real cut (shudder).

- I love when I give myself the time to pack breakfast for myself. Yesterday I scavenged at my desk and had some roasted coconut chips and dried mandarin oranges and yeah, not great. Both of those things: fabulous for snacking. Not so much for an actual meal. Today I have hot tea, strawberries, the last of my homemade banana bread and a string cheese. It’s so much more relaxing to have a quick bit in the morning with my tea and type this up real quick and then move on to a very busy workday.

- Last week I bought something from a Facebook sponsored post. As a matter of fact I bought two – two bracelets, one for me and one for my mom. I felt like a chump but I liked them, and they came in yesterday and I really like mine:

My mom’s is slightly different, and I think it suits her as well. It’s her mother’s day present so it’s waiting at my house for when she watches the boys over that weekend. She’ll cry. I know her – she’ll cry.

- The Daughter of Smoke and Bone books came in from the ebook library, so I know what I’m doing for every spare second of the next few days.

- I ran ONE TIME last week. I’m shooting for twice this week.

Of monkeys, throat crud and bubbles

It’s Friday and I think I’m coming down with the crud, but I can’t seem to do anything about that except suck on orangemints and drink hot tea, so you’ve got me. Except I don’t know what to write about, only that I want to write. What do you want to know?

A while back when we went to the carnival, Henry won a monkey beanie baby that he has since been obsessed with. Monkey goes everywhere, does everything. One day it came home from daycare with some weird white stuff on it that I couldn’t get off. I tried lint brushes and vacuums, picking pieces off individually – nothing worked. So finally, even though the tag said “spot clean”, I threw the sucker in the washer. On delicate.

Big mistake. Huge.

So since then monkey has been falling apart and the little plastic beads have been dropping out at an alarming rate. I sewed up one hole I found it its neck and then there was another on his back. It just seemed a losing battle, so finally we ordered a new one. It came Thursday, and was not a big hit. His words still caught in his throat when he talked about old monkey. ‘Where is monkey?’ ‘This monkey is different. His tail is different.’ (same exact monkey except new, mind you) ‘What do you mean this is monkey’s brother?’ ‘did you put MONKEY IN THE GARBAGE????’ (mild hysteria followed; monkey has not been thrown away, he is in the top of my closet in case the changeover ultimately doesn’t work.)

I spent the evening encouraging new monkey snuggles, and at night he took him to bed with him. I didn’t see how he felt about him this morning but I hope that new monkey will replace old monkey in his heart. I hate to see him so heartbroken. I might be spending tonight trying to fix up old monkey.

Also, there were bubbles yesterday.

(I love this one because you can also see Henry's reflection in the bubble next to him)

Guacamole Egg Salad with Bacon

So what are you going to do with all those boiled eggs from Easter?

A friend mentioned making guacamole egg salad on facebook, and I took that idea and ran with it, it just sounded so delicious. And then I decided to actually document it and share it with you! Amazing when that works out.

Eggs. There are four here, as Spencer needed two for school for decorating, and I wanted to make sure I had enough for him to take non-cracked ones so I boiled six.

I like my guacamole AND my egg salad very smooth, so I dropped the yolks in the mixer with the juice of one lime, a pinch of salt and an avocado and cranked that sucker up until it was smooth as BUTTA.

  

Then I added one shallot, minced, a handful of mini san marzano tomatoes (maybe 5?) diced, approximately 2 tbs of cilantro chopped (I love cilantro, I could have used more), one thickcut slice of bacon, cooked, rendered, patted dry of additional grease and chopped. And the egg whites, of course. Chopped.

Mixed all of it in. Done. In love.

When storing, make sure to treat like guacamole – lay a piece of saran wrap over the salad and make sure no air is touching the avocado. This will ensure that tomorrow you won’t have brown watery guacamole egg salad.

Ingredients:

4 eggs

1 avocado

1 lime, juiced

Pinch of salt

Handful of small tomatoes

Cilantro to your taste

1 small shallot

1 slice thick cut bacon, cooked.

PS – I apologize for the quality of my photos – I am not a food blogger.

Anatomy of a Meltdown

Yesterday I just felt like something was off for me. I was kind of sharp feeling, irritable. I’m overwhelmed at work but I didn’t even really feel like that was the reason – I’ve been overwhelmed before and eventually I do get caught up. I was a little aggravated that no one had offered to help as I’ve been helping them for many months, but not enough to ask for help because it’s my work. I know it will get done.

I didn’t see my kids that morning because I tried to leave for work a few minutes early and they have been sleeping a little later than usual – it was the second day in a row I haven’t seen my kids before going to work, which I really hate but acknowledge that it happens. I had a meeting that was kind of useless but it wasn’t long. I don’t know really what triggered things, really, is what I’m saying.

So I was feeling off and trying to get things done. I ranted a little to myself and twitter about the lack of help and got through some things I had been putting off for lack of time. Around 8:45am I was getting a little hyperventilate-y, so I took a pill. One that’s supposed to help that sort of thing, you know. I went to my meeting, came back from my meeting. Still anxious, freaked out a little. Trying to get some major amount of work done. I inquired when I was able to take another pill – I’ve never needed more than one, and I didn’t want to take too many too soon. Three hours, I had to wait three hours.

At the three hour mark I took another. It still didn’t help. I had been told that I could take another in another three hours, but by this time I figured if it didn’t help those two times, there was probably no reason to take another. I buckled down at work, cutting myself off from others and concentrating on the task at hand.

At quitting time, I was out. My colleague who I leave with seemed surprised that I was down – she hadn’t noticed anything all day. I was fine at lunch, she said. So apparently I’m good at hiding (sometimes) or she’s oblivious (probably). I waved it off and left.

Five minutes into my drive I start crying. It’s not debilitating and I’m on a bridge so there’s really no way to stop and give in to my feelings. Just need to get over the bridge. There’s a mall right on the other side, and I park and give in to wracking sobs. I don’t know why they are there, they just can’t be stopped. I plead for jokes from friends. Something to calm me down. K was a lifesaver at this time, and her texts got me calm enough to get back on the road to get home. I told C I needed some peace in the room immediately when I got home, and he offered to pick up the kids and dinner.

I got most of the way home when my mom called. I had posted a vague complaint on Facebook about Harry Potter lying about chocolate making things better and she felt maybe something was wrong. Thankfully she called while I was at a stop light because those wracking sobs came back – you know, the ones where you struggle to breathe at the same time and end up with monstrous sounds emanating from your body? I was close to a Publix so I pulled in there, choosing between dumping the contents of my purse into the floorboard or hitting a homeless man who was meandering like a snail across the entrance (Yes, I chose letting the purse go). I talked through everything with my mom until finally she changed the subject and got me thinking of inane things that slowed my breathing down and turned off my tears. I got home, even though a 20 minute drive took me an hour because of the stops.

I got home and no one else was there, so I got in my pajamas and laid down. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I woke up at 7:45pm in extreme confusion, thinking it was morning and I was very late for work. Eventually I realized what happened and came out into the living room. The kids were already in bed. My head was foggy, so I took a shower where I proceeded to use my shampoo as body wash. Just an FYI: mint shampoo is painful and burny when used to scrub certain body parts. I didn’t actually realize what I was doing until that moment.

After my shower I was still extremely foggy, so I went back to bed, and restlessly I slept through until 6am this morning.

I am feeling a little better (except I haven’t eaten since noon yesterday and I have biometric testing at 8:30 this morning so I can’t eat until after that). I’m still not quite myself and I feel TERRIBLE that I haven’t seen Spencer since WEDNESDAY. Henry woke up just before I left this morning so at least I got a hug from him this morning but I didn't see either of my children all day yesterday which feels like you can imagine.

I still feel a little weepy, but I don’t feel as helpless as I did yesterday. I wish I knew what triggered that. I really don’t want to feel that way again.

A collection of little things

-- Last night I finished making dinner 20 minutes early. This never happens – usually I start late and forget how long things take and we’re all sitting down to eat at 7:15pm. Oops. So this time I thought that 5:40pm was probably an unreasonable time to ask everyone to eat, so I sat in the bedroom and pretended dinner wasn’t quite ready yet. It felt like that rice krispie commercial – the one where the mom hangs out in the kitchen for hours doing nothing, and then she poofs some flour on her face and brings them out like she’s been working for ages? Yep, that one. It was kind of nice.

-- Henry was playing on his tablet the other day and he got mad at his game. All of a sudden he screaches “JESUS!” … yeah, that might be my fault. I’m trying to curb it, but habits are hard to break. C looks at me and says, “That’s all you.” Which it is. I told him to say “Darn it” instead. Probably still not acceptable in mixed company coming from the mouth of a three year old, but I was at a loss of how else he could voice his frustration with his Minion going off the edge of whatever.

-- Tonight is the birthday celebration of a friend we haven’t seen since her wedding more than a year ago. We keep meaning to get together but it doesn’t happen, so I was happy when her husband invited us. It’s a surprise, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read my blog. Now I’m checking my blog traffic to be sure. Okay, I’m incapable of analyzing that shit. No, I don’t think she reads. Me. I don’t think she reads THIS.

-- I’m thinking of taking my twitter off private for a weekend and tweeting at a couple people I REALLY wish would follow me so I could reply to their tweets. Would that be weird? Do you think it would be successful or would those people just think I’m a crazy stalker lady and all of a sudden I’ll be blocked?

-- Saturday I have a baby shower to go to from 1pm-4pm, and C is taking the kids to Disney with our neighbor and his kids (the shower is for the third baby/first boy for neighbor and wife, but they are traditional women-only-at-the-shower folks). So I have the WHOLE DAY to myself. I think I’ll do nothing, or at least that’s the plan. I’ve got the shower and then I might join a friend for a Trader Joe’s run, but otherwise it will be me and my book and/or tv. It’s not often I get much time to myself so it’s exciting.

-- I put off reading a book for more than a week because I downloaded the third book in a series (eLibrary) and then could not remember the first two hardly at all. I looked up summaries (surprisingly hard to find) and still no. I had vague recollections, but I didn’t know if that would make me enjoy the third at all. Goodness, it was so good. I think I’m adding the full series to my reread list. Girl of Fire and Thorns trilogy by Rae Carson, if you’re interested. The first two are excellent (I do remember most of the storyline now) but the third I think was the best. My only problem with it is how much emphasis is put on her plain looks and weight. It is CONSTANT for the first book, but it drops off a little by the second and barely there on the third. I can only assume it’s as she gets more confident in herself. Anyhow. Good series.

-- How are you doing on your Lent goals? I have been completely unsuccessful, but I think an unexpected goal came through in this last month – really enjoying being with my family and making an effort to have a good time with them. So while I haven’t been documenting my happiness as I planned on doing, I have been making a more conscious effort to BE happy, so there’s that. And not drinking – yeah, no. I held out for the first two weeks, and then I just had a couple drinks on the weekend, but now I’m back to a drink with dinner. I don’t see a problem with it, but it was hard to not have a drink with dinner when my husband was. 

And then the rest

Look at that – we did so much wonderful stuff that I actually had to split my weekend into two separate posts. It’s all downhill from here, isn’t it? Our weekends are usually busy – C and I are terrible about downtime, which I’ve said before. We just aren’t good at relaxing, and usually it’s not relaxing. It’s just boring and we end up feeling crappy at the end of the day.

But Saturday after a late night and restless overnight camping, I just wanted to lay around and read and do nothing. Unfortunately, it was the first really nice Saturday we didn’t have real plans during the day, so we already *planned* to work on the yard. It needs help. So I did the grown up thing and went and got some garden things and did some real yard work. C did more of it – the mowing and edging and trimming palm trees (our palms are still out of control) while I weeded and planted some new flowers where my old ones didn’t make it. I also decided on a corner of my flower bed that I wanted to reoption as an herb garden. I can’t keep herbs alive to save my life – or theirs – so I thought maybe if I plant them IN THE GROUND maybe the rain can help me keep them. The kids got to play out front this way too, because we don’t let them out front unless we are out there too – too many fast cars and thoughts of strangers.

We had tickets for the baseball game Saturday night, as the schools were selling tickets so we all went. We ended up sitting right next to Spencer’s teacher, and he pretty much attached himself to her the whole night – bless her for her patience, and bless her husband for putting up with him. He was never obnoxious, but it felt a little like he was intruding on their night out without the baby (they have an almost-two year old) and I tried to rein him in occasionally. We all had a blast though – the boys stayed up for the WHOLE THING (ended at about 10:30pm) and never got whiny or cranky. I brought them dinner but they each ate a hot dog and dippin’ dots also, and I brought tablets in case they got tired of watching the game but they never needed them.

Sunday we headed out to Disney; it had been awhile (okay, two weeks) so we missed it. Plus, a friend needed Frozen supplies so it was all the reason I needed for us to head out there. We spent the early part of the day at Epcot. So. Hot. Lots of flowers! I took no photos, but it’s the Flower and Garden Festival right now, so it’s very pretty. Very busy too, but a lot of people are doing garden stuff so the lines weren’t terrible. I made fast passes for Hollywood Studios for late afternoon, so we took the boat (there’s a boat that runs between those two parks, specifically) over and spent several hours at HS. It was the lightest crowd I’ve ever seen there. Spencer and I stood in a 10 minute line for Tower of Terror, and we even stood in the Toy Story line once before using our fast passes because it was 40 minutes or so (which is nothing, that line is regularly 70-110 minutes. Anything under an hour is cause for celebration). We headed out of the parks for dinner at Chuy’s (drool) and then made it home. The kids sleep in the car, so we usually leave the area about their bedtime so they still get a good amount of sleep, and I read the whole drive home. So easy. I love Disney.

Camping

So Friday we went camping.

We just didn’t go anywhere.

A couple weeks ago I had the crazy idea that maybe we could camp out in the back yard. We have a small backyard but it’s fenced, and we live in the city but maybe it could feel like we’re at least at a park? My husband has stopped challenging my ideas of things to do with the kids as long as I give him enough headway that he can think of all the details beforehand and as long as I do most of the planning so he doesn't have to worry too much about said zany idea. And while I made this decision two weeks ago, we still didn’t drag the camping supplies down from the attic until Wednesday (and tested out the tent) and blew up the air mattress on Thursday to make sure there weren’t any holes since we hadn’t used it in eight years. Everything was good and it was a go! I did all the other planning. Food, fun, and setting up the bedding.

I told the kids and they were SUPER excited. “will it be as fun as the dip thing last Friday?” Spencer asked (so I guess fondue was a bigger hit than I expected). Yes, child, yes.

After we got home from work/school, we just went outside. There was nothing to do, we just went outside. C was technically scheduled to work until 8pm, so he had to keep an eye on his computer but generally the kids played, I got everything ready and sprayed us down with bug spray. I decided that as cooking outside went I would also do something different, and made us a shrimp boil (I used this recipe but halved it. I didn’t have the “shrimp and crab boil bag” but used everything else and it was amazing. I think next time I’ll leave out the potatoes, but that’s because my children are strange and don’t like them. I only put a couple in for the adults anyway). Next time I will make the whole recipe … still just for the four of us. We are a shrimp-lovin’ family.

The kids played some more, and I didn’t allow any devices outside so they started playing some form of catch with an old tennis ball that including bouncing and making it under a chair … it was strange, but they had a blast. I had turned up the baseball game from the tv inside so we could listen along, but finally I moved our chairs so we could see the tv from the porch and we enjoyed a cold beverage and watched the game while the kids played. It was probably cheating, but so nice and relaxing.

Every five minutes after dinner was done, Spencer was asking for me to make s’mores, so once the sun set I started those up. MESSY. Apparently the act of roasting the marshmallow keeps the shape better, and I put way too much chocolate on them and it was a delicious disaster. We each had two. Thankfully the bathrooms were close and I could send the kids in to clean up!

We climbed into the tent late and played card games by tent light – Go Fish, Old Maid, Uno. Bedtime was around 10:30pm and the kids slept great (restless, but they always are). C and I did not sleep well, but that’s also because we are old and even with air mattress and orthopedic pillow it was not our bed. Around 2:30 when C woke me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep, I was thinking about camping in the city and it made me realize: I won’t even leave the windows open at night yet I took my entire family outside overnight with no locks. The minor anxiety passed though, and we survived the night.

It was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

Where'd the week go? I'm still focused on LAST weekend.

This week got away from me somehow. I was going to tell you about my awesome weekend, but now it’s Friday and would you then think I’m painting life to be rosy and beautiful all the time? Eh. I don’t think I’m going to worry about that.

So. I think everyone should regularly take random Mondays off. It is so gratifying to wake up and know that there’s nothing specific you have to do. Sure, you should probably get up and get the kids to school. Sure, you made a suggested list for yourself. But to not truly have to do anything? Marvelous.

Friday Fondue was a hit. I made sure there were plenty of things that Henry could eat if he chose not to dip, and it worked out. I cooked up some kielbasa and French bread, put out apple slices and grapes (and tortilla chips, per Spencer’s request). It turned out delicious. Henry ate about half a pound of kielbasa and some bread and grapes and the rest of us finished up the rest. And CHEESE. It was delightful.

Saturday … I’m having a hard time remembering what we did Saturday. Oh! It was monsooning most of the day, so we headed out to Ikea (I don’t know why, nearly every time we go to Ikea it’s raining terribly) for a shelf for Spencer’s bed area and random other assorted items (it is Ikea, after all). I think I actually did well – I got some new wine glasses and a couple martini glasses, the shelf (so I got what I went for!) and a lamp for the shelf too. There was a bicycle race going through downtown in the middle of the monsoon so we couldn’t get home or to a feasible restaurant for lunch, so we stopped at Whole Foods for the hot bar for lunch. I loved it – Henry had pizza, Spencer had mac & cheese, I had sushi and C had soup. C wasn’t so happy with it (crowded, wah wah expensive … but I think it was mostly because he didn’t want to stand in line for a hot sandwich and therefore didn’t get something he really wanted. It was really the same price as us all eating at Panera or something).

When we got home, Henry had passed out (he does not nap) so I got a little time with my older son, getting his bed space together so he has his own little space. He now cries if he’s not allowed to read before bed because it’s just too late. My dad came over for dinner and I made orange garlic scallops. I usually see my dad once or twice a year, so I suggested he come over for a non-holiday for dinner. It was nice, and he didn’t stay long so there’s wasn’t a ton of awkward silences because I didn’t know what to say.

Sunday, C had a thing with friends (my guy friend and HIS friends, but who’s picky?) so I took the kids and my mom to a local carnival. When Spencer had to miss the state fair on his birthday, I told him when this carnival came around I would take him to it. So I got armbands for the three of us (Henry refused to ride things without me) and we had junk food and rode lots of rides and mom got Spencer’s face painted and somewhere around pure exhaustion, we left. I do not lone wolf well, so I try to do fun things those times so I don’t feel screamy. We got home in time for showers and baths and a little dinner before bedtime. I had to use my eye makeup remover to get the face paint off Spencer – that was heavy duty stuff!

Monday. An extra day off. I went ahead and took the kids to school because I rarely get to, and then my mom and I went off to the new Trader Joe’s for shopping extravaganza. All week now I’ve been cooking TJs food and it’s been delicious – Tuesday was grilled pizza with their garlic pesto dough, Wednesday was their smoked apple chardonnay chicken sausages with Muenster cheese and roasted brussel sprouts. Thursday was chicken goyza dumplings (which I told Henry were chicken nugget dumplings, because the ground chicken has less texture and if it was just chicken he wouldn’t bother to try them. It worked! He ate three!) and brown rice. I loved everyone here and on twitter’s suggestions, and will keep them in my back pocket while I continue to shop there (once the parking lot is a little more stable).

AND BASEBALL! It was opening day, so C and I went with friends to the baseball game and it was FANTASTIC. We won, but also we just had such a good time. Yay, baseball.

And this post is incredibly long, so I’ll say happy weekend! There’s more planned for me, what’s going on with you?

Books I read: March

reread:

17. The Emperor's Edge - Lindsay Buroker

18. Dark Currents - Lindsay Buroker

19. Deadly Games - Lindsay Buroker

20. Conspiracy - Lindsay Buroker

21. Blood and Betrayal - Lindsay Buroker

22. Forged in Blood I - Lindsay Buroker

23. Forged in Blood II - Lindsay Buroker

I have to say - I do not usually review my reread books because obviously I enjoy them - I'm rereading them! But this series might be my favorite. It holds up on reread like none of the others I've read this year; it's really fabulous and I don't know how Buroker isn't a household name. She's fantastic. You should be reading these books.

new:

13. That Old Cape Magic - Richard Russo I was bored.

14. The Forgotten Garden - Kate Morton We read this for book club (hey look! One of my book clubs has decided it's active again!) and I really enjoyed it. Probably a little too neatly tied up, but I thought the story was good. The plot line at the beginning is VERY similar to Light Between Oceans, except it's *not teary sad*. 

15. Labor Day - Joyce Maynard I listened to this on audiobook and it was pretty decent. I can see how it could be turned into a very serviceable movie.

16. Sheepfarmer's Daughter - Elizabeth Moon This is my friend's favorite trilogy, and it was good but I'm not enamored. Lots of war and fighting and not enough character development. I'll try the next one to see if there's more in the second one but I'm not loving it.

17. Veronica Mars - The Thousand Dollar Tan Line - Rob Thomas This was not the best writing, but it was very a enjoyable and satisfying dip back into the Veronica Mars lake.