Dream fights and eye cream

I woke up this morning at 4:45a near tears because I was having a dream that C had told me he wanted a divorce while we were at a family function – Easter, I think, based on the background goings on and who was there. The whole dream I was running around begging him to reconsider and telling him I would give up all my extracurricular activities, deleting my twitter account, crying. It was terrible.

 The dream made sense because it came on the heels of a friend announcing her separation, and while I don’t know what happened and wouldn’t even hazard a guess, it makes me sad. Sad for her, sad for the kids. Nine couples under the age of 35 attended my wedding in 2007. Four couples were engaged (only one of those couples went on to get married), one was dating, and four were married (two with first babies on the way). This marks the last of those couples to separate. Love to you, anonymous friend.

But on to other, more shallow, topics. Eye cream.

Six months ago I did not own any eye cream. NOW I have all these:

I’m not sure what works, I’m not sure if any of them work. I have terrible bags and dark circles under my eyes that concealer doesn’t seem to even help (it’s genetic, I have them, my mom has them, Spencer has them). There is firming cream and cream for dark circles and everything here. What am I missing? What’s the magic formula? (spoiler: I’m sure there’s no magic formula. But would anything help that I haven’t tried?)

Not-so-Guilty secrets

Henry has stopped drinking milk, outright. This pretty much even includes chocolate milk, and he won’t drink hot chocolate anyhow because it’s “hot” (I tried calling it lukewarm chocolate to no avail). We used to go through a gallon of milk in 4-5 days, but now it appears to be taking us two weeks to go through one, and that’s only because I started drinking it myself to get through it before it went bad.

Now here’s something you should know about me: I’m very attached to those dates on the top of milk that says when they expire. I know that technically it’s a “sell by” date and not a “drink by” date, but I just cannot get past that to drink what is probably fine milk. I’ve, pre-kids, been known to trash milk at all stages of empty/full because it automatically tastes icky to me even on the date on the bottle.

But. (of course there’s a but) With Henry not drinking milk and Spencer not drinking milk that much, at the “sell by” date of the most recent gallon, we had 75% of a gallon left. And we buy the organic stuff, so that’s $5 worth of milk! I couldn’t do it. I started drinking milk every day. I put it in my cooking. Here’s what I was left with:

That’s the last glass of milk which I drank last night (with some kit kats) and that’s the date on the gallon. While every day I thought “this is the day I drink spoiled milk” or “this is the day I feed my family food made with spoiled milk”, it didn’t go bad! Woah!

It’ll be half gallons from here on out. (and calcium chews for the kiddos)

Sick days are the longest days

So here I was gung-ho about the time change, and how we were going to be up at the crack of dawn anyhow so maybe we'd just have an extra long time at Disney and all would be excellent.

So no.

Spencer woke up with a tummyache and not wanting breakfast which is NOT like him, and went back to bed. Then the barf started (thankfully, for someone who doesn't throw up often, that child has an amazing ability to get down off his bunk bed and make it to the toilet before going full steam ahead). I am terrible with vomit but I held my own and then got him into the shower where he proceeded to feel so much better that he was singing Blue Danube in multiple octaves and dancing.

But it didn't last.

Keeping Henry away from him was also difficult - the boys share a room and are pretty much inseparable when Spencer's not at school. C took him to Target with him for Lysol and Gatorade, and I took him with me to the grocery store (and again to Target for another errand). Otherwise we let him watch a lot of television on the opposite side of the house, while Spencer stayed away from his brother's bed but otherwise spent the whole day watching movies on the portable DVD player and sleeping, taking up residence in the bedroom.

Sunday was the longest day ever. 1pm felt like 5pm. 4pm felt like 8pm. 8pm ... I was done.

By 8pm he was keeping soup and tylenol (low grade fever) down, and then he went back to bed for the night.

This morning he was soaking wet with sweat like he broke a fever, and was in a general foul mood. I hate leaving him to go to work, but C is home working so he's staying with him. This will be his first day missing of school since it started and I want to go home and be with him, but I can't and it sucks.

BBTW: Soundtrack to your life

I'm so glad Ginger kept last week's prompts up through this week - I wanted so much to do this one but where does the time go?

I'm not a huge music fan. Well, I am, really, but I haven't listened to anything new except by accident in many years. Every once in awhile a newer band creeps through my defenses and I will listen, but mostly I'm stuck in the 40s/50s/60s/70s/80s/90s. I'm eclectic, in a narrow way

Anything TMBG. I have been the biggest fan since I was 12. I've been to 17ish shows, taken my kids to see the kids show, taught my kids all the words to all the kids albums and we're working on the others. I once talked my boyfriend (now husband) into driving from here to Asheville to see them, following a hurricane for the entire 14 hours up (PS - The Orange Peel is an amazing venue). I haven't really gotten into the most recent album or two, but I still listen all the time to Flood, Apollo 18, Dial-a-Song. This is my jam.  One of my very favorite songs is New York City, but I remember so much listening to the words to Mr. Horrible over and over in seventh grade with my friend Amy to get all the words just right. You know how everyone wants to tell you where they were when the planes hit the towers on 9/11? I had cut German class to buy the new TMBG album (Mink Car). Anytime a friend hears anything by TMBG, they immediately think of me. I'm good with that.

Annie - The soundtrack. I had a record player when I was 8 or so, and one of the few records I had was the Annie soundtrack. Man, I loved that thing.

Rainbow Connection - from the same record player, I had the Muppet Movie soundtrack, and I adored Rainbow Connection. When I started playing the clarinet it was one of the songs in one of my books and I credit it with keeping me playing when I was seriously bad - I wanted to master that song.

Nothing Compares 2U - you remember when Walkmans were a big thing? I had a giant yellow one that was supposed to be waterproof. Not that I knew, because it's not like I took it in the water or anything, but it was SPECIAL. I would walk around singing Sinead O'Connor with my headphones on thinking I was hot shit. See also: anything Debbie Gibson, the Beaches soundtrack, and Gloria Estefan's Greatest Hits. I was totally hot shit.

Angel by Aerosmith - I was 14, and I had boyfriends here and there but there was this one forbidden guy. He was madly in love with a friend of mine who strung him along, and I was dating another guy but he lived too far away to see except during school (and band practice, natch). So (oh crap, I can picture him but I can't remember his name) came over and we were hanging out, talking about our respective "loves", and I was somehow sitting with my legs across his lap and I asked if he was thinking of R and he was all "I can't think of anyone but you right now ..." Sigh. And Angel was playing in the background. TOM! That was his name. Yep.

Brick, Ben Folds - my ex was a big Ben Folds fan (I think still is, he planned on naming his first born son Benjamin but I don't think he has kids) and we listened to a lot of BFF and TMBG for a bunch of years (Ben Folds' first solo album came out on 9/11, we were there together to buy our favorite bands' new albums). Brick always makes me think of him. It's ... yep. That's the song for that period of my life.

Newsies - you see a lot of soundtracks on this list, do you? Les Mis should also make the list (and Forbidden Broadway, while we're at it) and Jesus Christ Superstar but I feel something special in my heart every time I pop the soundtrack in. Carryin' the banner, always.

Cruel Intentions (soundtrack) After my first year of college, I decided to embraced college life (for a few months, until I met and lost myself in my ex and the bulk of my "college experience" went to shit). I signed up to be an orientation leader of my college, which included staying in the dorms and hanging out with the incoming freshmen. I met some friends and had a GREAT TIME learning to swing dance and going to swing clubs. You'd think that those songs would be on this list, right? Well, I still listen to them and love them, but I listened to this soundtrack a lot in my dorm room and every single time any of the songs come on the radio (Praise You by Fat Boy Slim comes on a lot) I'm transported to that time.

Eleanor Rigby - On my first date with my husband, he sang this to me. You would think it's not a romantic song, but it was his move. He had the counts down. He had the stereo system in his truck. It was pretty cool, and he knew it. Worked on me!

Mysterious Ways - U2 It's amazing how most of the songs that remind one of their past have to do with the opposite sex, isn't it? Nearly my entire senior year of high school I was either pining for one specific guy,  dating him, mourning the death of our relationship or plotting to get back together with him. (We're still friends, actually, and whenever I'm in his city I stay with his sister and hang out with the lot of them and all their spouses and kids). He loved to roam the hallways of the school belting out U2 lyrics at the top of his lungs. Well, I have a number of strange stories about him but this is the one that works for this list. Mysterious Ways was his favorite to yell (I can't call it singing) and most U2 reminds me of the fonder parts of that relationship.

Books I read: October

Another poor showing for my reading this month. I blame it on book 74 - which I carried around with me for two months without getting significantly through. I'm not going to expect to read 25 books in the next two months, so I doubt I'm getting to 100 but I've made my peace. Only books I like from here on out, okay?

72 These is My Words - Nancy Turner I did not expect to like this. It's historical fiction! But no, I really did like it and I would recommend anybody to read it no matter your genre preference. Really good!

73 Scavenger Hunt - Yvonne Montgomery I barely remember this book, but it was free and I think I liked it. It was a regular ole hard boiled murder mystery kind.

74 Cutting for Stone - Abraham Verghese Ugh. This was just not for me.

75 A Thousand Days in Tuscany - Marlena De Blasi This was not as good as the other books set in Tuscany, but it was okay.

76 Life After Life - Kate Atkinson I liked this, although I listened to the audiobook and the repetition which is so important in the written book is a bit grating to listen to. I really liked how she was on the edge of history though.

77 Lost and Found - Chris Van Hakes Shalini wrote a book and I had to read it immediately and I loved it immediately. It's a light chick-lit romance, and if you are into that kind of thing it was lovely.

Friday things

1) Today is the day I usually get my calendar for the upcoming month together, look to make sure I have all the information for any meetings I have, and generally do clean up on anything that didn’t get done yesterday due to the End of Month hoopla. Except I’m tired, man. Bone tired. I’m getting there, but far slower than is the norm.

2) Last night was Halloween, obviously. I have no pictures of trick or treating, mostly because I forgot but also because Henry wouldn’t allow me full use of my arm the entire night. We ended up going with our neighbors to a different neighborhood that is a lot more active, and wow – it’s way more fun when more of your neighborhood participates. I think I’m sold on the whole “bussing to the good neighborhoods”. We didn’t go to a more affluent neighborhood or anything (okay, not MUCH more affluent) but there were so many houses and adults getting into it – they all set up their chairs and tables in the driveway and you could see they enjoyed it as much as the kids. It makes me want to dress up next year (um, maybe). Henry was very shy because we were with a large group, and he never let go of my hand but he had a great time, and I barely saw Spencer because he was running crazy with the other kids so he obviously also had a good time. We go home late and the kids went to bed far past their bedtime and this morning was ROUGH but it was a good time. And hopefully Spencer’s teacher doesn’t expect anything from him today.

3) Today is report card day for Spencer. His first report card – I’m scared! He does great work, but he’s very slow so a lot of his papers come home unfinished and I’m worried that the world (school) doesn’t know how smart he is. Next Thursday is parent-teacher conference time … dun dun DUUUUNNNN.

4) I think I’m the sole person on the internet who is kind of excited about the time change this weekend. Yes, we get tired earlier. Yes, it gets darker earlier. Yes, the children wake up at 5am on the weekends for a little while. You know what else? I don’t have to drag myself out of bed in the morning for a little while. I don’t have to drag the kids out of their beds for school for a little while. I may even feel like exercising before work! Or get up in time to take a shower before work! It’s the little things – all the other things I can deal with. That’s why there’s tv on Saturday mornings.

5) I stuck to my meal plan this week! Life is so much simpler when I already know what I’m cooking. I made lemongrass chicken soup on Monday, peanut butter burgers and tater tots on Tuesday, grilled shrimp, lentil/couscous mix and cauliflower (with a poblano chile sauce) Wednesday, breakfast for dinner Thursday (waffles and sausage for the kids and waffles, sausage and eggs for the adults), and tonight I’m making loaded potato soup. I can’t remember what I have on the weekend, but I do know I have all the stuff for it so things are easy. Woohoo for easy.

6) I backtracked on anxiety pretty hardcore toward the end of last week and beginning of this week. I started new meds, and they were great for a couple weeks until my body got used to them and then WOAH BABY I bottomed out there. But my doctor is great (I know you don’t usually go to a PCP for such things, but I really feel like my NP has a good handle on these things and feels very knowledgeable and I’m very comfortable talking to her) and we decided to double my dosage and give me something for situational attacks and I’m hoping it works. I’ve been taking time to myself when I’m overwhelmed at home, and hopefully things will work quickly.

7) I have been waffling on whether to participate in NanoBloMo. I’m never going to be in for NanoWriMo (good luck to you guys!) but I wonder if I could do a blog a day. Would you read a blog a day? Is it pointless? I don’t want to write a bunch of pointless stuff just to take up space (which is not to say that those who participate DO write a bunch of drivel. I’m just not good at finding more things to write about). Hmm. I think maybe I’ll do NanoBloMo’, which is Blog More. I think I can do that.

Happy November! It’s thanksgiving month! Woohoo for turkey!

Lately I’ve been feeling slightly under the weather, and this seems to lead to complain-y me and cranky-me and anxious-me and weepy-me. There have been a couple triggers to get the anxious-me and weepy-me amped up a little, and you don’t want to read about that. I don’t even want to talk about it.

So instead, here is what I did Saturday:

We went to a “local” (1.5 hour away) pumpkin festival so the kids could wander around in their costumes and I could forget to take the obligatory pumpkin patch photos. I did get them being superheros on the hay bales though:

My mom babysat Saturday evening and C and I had a lovely date night where we ate great food and drank our last bottle of honeymoon wine (which was delightful) and then went to a bar to have more cocktails (French 75 for me and scotch for the man) and talk for a couple hours. It was lovely. I love being reminded that we like each other as people outside our familial/children obligations.

And here’s what I did last night:

Look at that! I finally made Spencer’s Peter Pan costume! It’s not perfect; the hat is a little janky and I’ve made it twice so I really don’t want to make it again. The whole thing is slightly too small because I cut out based on his current clothes but didn’t leave room for the sewing part. But it will do, and he loves it. It only has to last for Thursday, technically. And he’ll have other clothes if he has issues.