There was some time passing and we did stuff

So, Internet. It’s been awhile. I wish I could at least say that I’ve been keeping up on your lives, but I haven’t. There are 204 items simmering in my blog feed, but I thought I might possibly post myself before getting through them. It’s a bad week to promise myself I would comment more, right? Oh well, slowly and surely.

We went to Colorado. It was lovely and glorious and I was “on vacation” for nine days. I bookended that vacation with pretty icky illnesses – a stomach bug that lasted the majority of the trip on one side and strep on the other, but the middle portion was great fun. We saw Estes Park, Breckenridge, Cave of the Winds, Garden of the Gods, Manitou Springs, and Cripple Creek. We saw a production of Guys and Dolls, took a train through the old gold mines, hit a farmer’s market, went to a bunch of breweries and saw a crap ton of wildlife (by metric ounce) – deer, elk, a bear, prairie dogs, hummingbirds, jays, llamas, alpacas.

I have no more words for my vacation post, except to mourn its passing. It was time to come home. We had a good time.

(The Stanley - C's one need to see)

(Breckenridge)

Books I Read: July

I'm just going to go ahead and put this out there since I'm unlikely to get any reading done today anyhow. I didn't read much in July, but looking back at past years I apparently don't read much in July anyhow. The last two books on my list I didn't finish and will, but they were already on my list so I left them there.

41. Storm Born - Richelle Mead (I am a reading prude, this was my least favorite series. So. Much. Sex.)

42. Gameboard of the Gods - Richelle Mead

new:

41. Orphan Train - Christina Baker Kline much easier reading than I expected. Good! I liked it! I didn’t love-it-couldn’t-live-without-it-wait-for-6-months-for-it-to-come-to-me-from-the-library, but it was good.

42. A Homemade Life - Molly Wizenberg Also good. I’m not a vignette-memoir style reader much, but it was very well written and I copied nearly half the recipes before taking it back to the library – they all sound amazing.

43. The Ocean at the End of the Lane - Neil Gaiman I listened to this, and his voice is just so adorable. I loved it so much, I loved the story and the only thing I DIDN’T love was that there was a part where there’s a “worm” that goes up into his heel (it’s actually a big part of the story) and that just grossed me out more than anything. Blech.

44. The Immortal Crown - Richelle Mead I wasn’t enamored with the first in the series (Gameboard, which I reread because I couldn’t even remember the storyline) but I thought this was fabulous. So different from her others, so complex, and truly with a storyline that I could not have come up with. Excellent.

45. The Book of Life - Deborah Harkness Oh, Deborah. I neglected sleep and my family to finish this book. It was so so so so good, and such a satisfying third book.

46. Landline - Rainbow Rowell I started the audio on this, and I didn’t love the voice. So I’m waiting for the actual book from the library.

47. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss I started this too late in my ebook borrowing time and didn’t get very far. I’m not so excited about it that I will re-up it. But I probably will. I don’t know. I read 70 pages of 699. It was slow to start so I think something exciting is getting ready to happen. I’ll reborrow it.

Anxiety bites, yo.

So my anxiety. It has been bad lately. I don’t even know how to properly explain it, and I have felt bad about how bad I’ve felt because I always acknowledge in my rational brain how much harder other people have things and how bad other people’s anxiety and depression (I’m not depressed) and etc etc etc is … well, it feels impossible justifying my own anxiety.

But it’s been bad, to the point of lots of crying, lots of snapping at people who love me, lots of hiding in my bedroom with a book, lots of sleeping during non-sleeping hours. One time of accidentally taking too much anxiety medicine and WOAH that was a crazy day that I’ll never repeat.

Last night/today I had a minor light bulb moment in realizing where some of my anxiety stems from. Vacation. Vacations are supposed to be relaxing and exciting, right? Well, I’m not in charge in any form of this vacation that I decided to take us on six months ago. I have nothing to do with where we’re staying or what we’re doing when we get there and last night after realizing that we don’t even have hotel rooms for the last night (this says nothing about the middle part of our trip, for which the logistics of sleeping are still up in the air and I’m twitchy writing that) that we are in charge of setting. No! Hotel! So I got C to set that up after 90 minutes of comparing every hotel within 30 minutes of the airport and ending up at the first one we looked at, and I am mildly relieved, but also I finally explained that I was having a mild heart attack about the middle portion still being up in the air so he’s supposed to be talking to his dad about that today.

So. Yay? I’m hoping all this means I can breathe a little, but considering I can tangibly FEEL my anxiety ramping up right now, I doubt it.

In news about trying to work on myself and getting excited about the trip, I’m going to do some planning on my own and some lists of what to pack, and I’m going to start deep cleaning the house. Yesterday I meal planned through next Tuesday before we leave and did all the grocery  shopping, so that’s one less thing, and I’m working on getting all my work done so I don’t feel like I’m going to drown when I get back to my desk. And at some point I’m just going to have to let go. That will help, right?

Where is the time going?

Well, I rocked “fun parent” status on Saturday, with trips to both the splash park and Chuck E Cheese (the latter being at 2pm on a Saturday, take THAT, sanity). We also had lunch at McD’s with my sister who managed to be … well, fine actually. It was a good visit and I haven’t seen her in at least a year and a half due to her guano craziness. But it was fine. I even met her equally nutso boyfriend that she curses about on facebook incessantly, and he was perfectly respectful (also respectfully declined coming with us to lunch, which I appreciated). We also saw my mom and bought pjs for Henry and shoes for Spencer … look, shoes for Spencer were not on the list but he kept insisting on wearing these sandals where the soles had split and the insides were coming out and I had had it. So I bought him new sandals (even though he had perfectly good other sandals at home) and had the cashier throw those old ones away. Done and done.

I don’t know how it’s already Wednesday and I feel like there’s so much to say but if I wait to split posts, will it ever get said? I might should probably bullet this. Will I? Jury’s out.

Yesterday Spencer got in trouble at summer daycare, and it was a stupid little thing – he and a friend were “throwing cars” (in quotations because he said they were just doing cool tricks but I informed him that if the car leaves the safety of your hand, it’s now being thrown) and she told him to stop so he doesn’t hurt the other kids and he wouldn’t. It’s a small thing, but it’s a nearly every day thing with him there. Spencer has been there since he was 6 months old, and he was SUCH AN EASY CHILD that now that he’s school age with opinions and attitude, she doesn’t quite know what to do with him. So anyhow, it was a small thing but it was the proverbial straw on the camel’s back so he got in relatively big trouble. No kindle, no Wii games, no watching daddy play computer games, no tv before bed. Nothing F.U.N. or S.P.E.C.I.A.L.

So there was crying but then he got over it and we did our grocery shopping. When we shop and they are good, we stop at the bakery for cookies. Always. It doesn’t matter if it’s 30 minutes till dinner, whatever. The only times they don’t is if we’re running in for just a couple things or if they have not been good directly before grocery trip (in which case it’s usually both of them). But this time … well, you know where this is going right? Henry got his cookie. Spencer did not.

Honestly, I was kind of proud of Spencer and how he handled his extreme disappointment. And he was extremely disappointed. He stood there, head hung low, eyes watching Henry eat his sprinkle cookie, and just quietly cried. No tantrum, no crazy indignation. He knew he was being punished, and that maybe he kind of deserved it. He was upset for quite a while, but he finally got over it and moved on with his evening. This happened again at bedtime when he realized (apparently he forgot) that he would miss his show he again did the pitiful silent cry while he read instead of enjoying Tumble Leaf.

“Mom, Tita is never going to tell you anything ever again.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m never going to do it again.”

Yeah, we’ll see. Anyhow, so hopefully he learned his lesson and can get things together so it can be a happy time at daycare.

Just a Few Things

How the heck is it Friday? I’ve been wanting the end of the week to come for ages, but now that it’s here I’m honestly flabbergasted. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

I’ve been working on that 24-hour complaint free thing, one day at a time. It feels very 12-step of me, really. I did good for two solid blocks, but then Wednesday I spilled coffee on myself on a flight for work and Thursday I didn’t get enough sleep and broke down crying because I couldn’t figure out something in the new system we are working in. But today. Today is going to be a Good. Day. I took a Unisom last night and had a wonderful 9.5 hours of sleep wherein we forgot to set the alarm and I was awoken by my husband mere minutes before I needed to leave for work. Which was okay! I made it! And I didn’t have to wake up to an alarm, which frankly I think puts me in a bad mood every day.

I think another issue for me this week is I wasn’t making to-do lists for myself for the day. While it might seem daunting to look at the six dozen needs for the day, it’s so satisfying to mark them off. And it keeps my head on straight.

Since C is working tomorrow, he’s off today and we’re going to lunch together. I have decided to grill clams and asparagus for dinner tonight so I want to hit the local Italian market on lunch, so we’ll have lunch on the patio there and pretend I don’t have to go back to work afterward. I think it’s a fabulous plan.

I’m still a bit up in the air about what I want to do with the kids tomorrow. Both the new splash park and Chuck E Cheese open at 10am, so I think we’ll do one or the other, and then we might *might* do the other after that. There’s also an indoor blacklight minigolf place I saw last weekend, so that might be on the agenda, or we might go to the beach. I don’t know! So many choices! I’m terrible at the lone wolf thing, especially when C is working from home so he’s there but can’t help and is otherwise tethered to the inside of the house. I’ve decided for times like these, I’m going to be the fun parent. We will do things that we never do. That would otherwise drive us nuts. I’ve got my books, I’ll be fine. Anyone want to come with us?

I’m doing a shrimp boil for dinner tomorrow night, but I want a dessert. Something light and outdoory – any suggestions?

**OH! They are doing Harry Potter at the local IMAX dome for the next few weekends. I'm not sure how this sounds.

I think I (gasp) need a break from Disney

In the past 16 months, we have missed maybe half a dozen weekends at Disney. On the weekends we go, we usually only go for one day, but it’s a full day – often multiple parks, staying until dark – later into the night, and then driving home while the kids sleep and I read/sleep. A few of the long weekends we’ve gone multiple days, driving to and from both days, and four three times we’ve stayed over locally instead of driving (one weekend was for Spencer’s birthday, the other three were just random).

What I’m saying, is I think I’m a little Disney’d out, for the moment.

We went to Epcot yesterday, on the final day of the World Cup which was just poor planning on my part. Spencer was hanging out with with a friend of his on Saturday and we did some Macy’s exchanging so yesterday was Disney. People, it was hot and we were cranky and I think we all fought all day. The kids wouldn’t stop running down inclines and sitting on chain barriers (big pet peeves) and C and I argued several times. It just wasn’t the most fun day for me. I do recognize that a not-so-great day at Disney is still probably better than average days other places, but by dinner when we had more issues I was just ready to go. So we went.

So maybe we’ll skip next weekend? Only time will tell. C has to work on Saturday so I’m taking the kids to Chuck E Cheese and the children’s museum (I know, I know, glutton, punishment and all that) and we’ve got our belated family birthday dinner which should prove fun. Today is my me-time day. Last Monday I did grocery shopping and took a run and a shower and we had TJs chana masala which meant a distinct lack of cooking. I think I’m out of prepared TJs foods right now, so I may actually have to cook tonight. I have to do some grocery shopping, and I’d like to get in a run if I can manage it. I’m hoping that I’ll still have an hour to myself that I can sit and read/take a shower, but I know I’ll end up straightening the house and measuring the closet to see if I can replace the boys’ clothes bins with actual dressers.

Halfway through this post, I saw this come up in my Facebook newsfeed. Obviously I need it – I’m feeling a bit down and pessimistic apparently. So once I hit publish, I am going to try to go 24 hours. And then maybe another 24 hours. Before I go, I’m going to put up 3 things that are making me happy right this minute:

- I started listening to Neil Gaiman’s book The Ocean at the End of the Lane, and it is adorable. I didn’t get very far because I listened on my walk Friday, but I have a day flight on Wednesday and I’m planning on not reading an actual book. I’m going to close my eyes and let Neil Gaiman read to me. His voice! So endearing!

- Friday I was having one of those nights but it was C’s birthday so I was trying – TRYING. Everything was getting to me, although I tried to set myself up for success – we went out for dinner and I had my favorite burger (incorrect the first time, but amazing the second, Guacamole Bacon burger at Red Robin, no mayo and cheddar cheese instead of swiss) and let the kids watch Toy Story on my ipad during dinner for extra calmness, but I just couldn’t get out my funk. My wonderful husband, on his birthday, sent me for a walk on my own while he let the kids watch a movie and handled things. It was a lovely hour walk while I listened to the Gaiman book.

- Sunday morning Spencer decided that he was going to teach Henry how to play chess. It was shortlived because H didn’t care 10 minutes in, but it was super cute.

Friday bits

- This week it has been so hard to get out of bed in the morning. Bed! So comfortable! I feel like this in the mornings:

I’m hoping for a couple good nights of sleep, ideally of going to bed earlier so I can catch up the right way instead of training myself to sleep later than I am normally able. I have another 4am wakeup for a flight on Wednesday and I have to be able to get my butt out of bed.

- It’s been very rainy this week, which means that we grill like this:

It works out though – we grilled twice this week, once hot dogs and last night we did grilled chicken and grilled Caesar salad (where you grilled the romaine lettuce and the onions too). I think I’m not a big fan of grilled lettuce – it was too limp for me. However, I bought a Caesar vinaigrette by Kraft (which is always BOGO at our grocery) and by golly, it was delicious. I was hesitant because I don’t like Greek dressing – really is Roman general dressing that much different? Yum.

- I go through phases with my work music. For a long time it was 90s, and 80s, and then for a while the Broadway channel got me through the day

But I’m currently obsessed with the Love channel. Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Bread, Poco, Bette Midler … while I’m unfortunately unlikely to hear a break through Warrant Cherry Pie, it’s very soothing and singable for my workday.

- I feel like I’m channeling Kori with all these gifs. For the sleep gif I was looking more for a sloth/chunk one, but this I feel is more Kori:

(new meaning to "Friday bits", yes?)

- I’m thinking of doing a shrimp boil next week a la Heather. We did one when we backyard camped and it was very successful. Although really we just needed the shrimp and sausage because the kids don’t eat potatoes and if there’s shrimp and sausage they’re unlikely to eat corn too. Anything else we can boil that they might eat? I’m also thinking of picking up a bag of clams and steaming them on the grill, which makes me excited but I have no idea if they will eat them. Maybe if I tout them as shrimp relatives?

- I did the baby feet thing, and I’m here to tell you two things: it really works, and if you have eczema it won’t work QUITE as well as it does on other people and will be pretty itchy at first but still. So much better. I just greased up the eczema spots to try to get rid of those so I’m not giving you a picture but I swear. Excellent. If you do it, make sure you soak your feet every night to help the peeling, and rub the dead skin off while it’s in the water. Amazing.

- Spencer is learning how to play chess, and he’s very interested. Daddy’s way of teaching appears to be by creaming him while telling him how he’s creaming him (seriously, who castles on their first game with their six year old?) but Spencer actually took it fairly in stride. He wants to play me next, since I’m not as good. It’s a fairer fight.

- This thing is amazing. My mom bought me one months ago but I thought it was a cheesy gadget and didn’t even take it out of the box until I saw someone else had spiraled a cucumber and I thought “hey, I should try that.” Enter fantastic lunch for this week. This has spiraled zucchini, avocado, garbanzos, feta, Kalamata olives, cilantro, olive oil and lemon juice. It was phenomenal, really. Highly recommend.

- Obligatory photo of the second born – from this morning. Obviously we need to get him bigger pjs, they’re all crops at this point.