Seven of those quick takes for Christmas

Happy Christmas!

-- if you are storing your wife's Christmas gifts in the top of your underwear drawer unwrapped, do your own laundry.

-- The book Charlie Brown's Christmas really isn't very good. Floridian Night Before Christmas is funny. Grinch is still A-No.-1.

-- My house is clean, chicken and dumplings are in the slow cooker, my son is vaguely eating his lunch in his underwear, presents are all wrapped (except those ones in the top of my husband's underwear drawer).

-- I'm finally excited about Christmas

-- I'm not letting anything bother me today

-- We'll hope this continues when I make my final trip to Target soon.

-- I hope you all have a marvelous holiday!

Kid tested, Santa approved

Somehow today is when I decided to get into the Christmas spirit. I've been trying mightily to be a happy busy bee, but somehow in the great attempt to wipe the stress out of my mind I also wiped out the joy. I was a sourpuss. That changes today! Ha! We'll try!

Anyhow, I made cookies tonight - fruitcake cookies for my dad (with a whole lotta brandy in them) and tagalongs for um ... for me? Let's hope not just me - there are 2 1/2 dozen. I saw them on Lauren from Texas' blog and had to have them for my very own. I already had a ton of whole wheat Ritz (BOGO at the Publix) and reduced fat peanut butter, so why not dredge all that low calorie stuff in chocolate?

The jury's still out on the fruitcake cookies. I might have to get a taste-tester who likes uncooked alcohol in their cookies (a la rum balls). But they look pretty and festive, and my dad loves fruitcake, so I'm excited to give them to him for Christmas.

After baking I even took the time to read How The Grinch Stole Christmas to Spencer. Have I mentioned how much I hate reading aloud? No? I really hate reading books aloud. I read so much faster to myself that I'm not usually any good at reading to my son - I lose interest and then he loses interest. Or maybe he loses interest and then I lose interest. Somehow I kept my head in the game and we both enjoyed it this time! Hurrah!

I was far too hasty in my declaration that Henry was sleeping well in his crib. It turns out it's very hard to implement any form of CIO (I'm a half-hearted supporter) when your children share a room. Also though, I found out tonight that my older one might actually sleep better when trying to block out the screams of his brother in his sleep. It's like white noise if white noise came from an angry infant.

My Christmas shopping is officially done, and I think that my husband may have completed his as well. I don't ask, I just wrap. I just this minute decided to gift some of those tagalongs to my FIL (a huge fan of peanut butter) and my brother, and I think tomorrow I'm going to make Oreo Truffles and package some of those up for the women in my family. Easy making, big impact. This is my grown-up Christmas wish.

My holiday is going to be so very busy. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas Eve, because there is nothing going on. How sad is that? I plan on putting chicken and dumplings in the slow cooker for the day, and then we are restarting the tradition that the kids get to open one gift and we (parents) get to open all of our gifts. Christmas morning all the grandparents are coming over and my brother and sister are too, for breakfast (egg casserole, hashbrown casserole, biscuits and gravy and bacon) and presents (that's breakfast for 10). Then everyone leaves my home and later we're going to my in-laws for dinner (I'm evidently bringing the broccoli, this was my mission and I've chosen to accept it) and more presents. Sunday we're meeting one of my closest friends for lunch (with a bunch of her other friends, but she's low on time this visit), and then jetting down to Bradenton to stop in on my mom's mom to say Merry Christmas and so she can meet Henry and then to my dad's mom's house for the last Christmas gathering which I also arranged and have to bring two side dishes and a dessert. And presents. We've (I've) also organized a white-elephant gift exchange with them, and I'm not entirely sure they all get it. It may be interesting.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a marvelous holiday, and don't forget to stay happy! Keep the joy! Damn the man! Save the Empire!

Menu-less monday and more.

I've decided to not do a menu this week, as it really depends on how busy I am and what I feel like doing. I have the workings for 15 bean soup, chicken and dumplings, baked spaghetti ... I have very little in the way of frozen foods so unless I plan on making egg sandwiches (a real possibility), food will have to be cooked.

I'm still not actually done with my christmas shopping, but I'm not terribly concerned. There are a few items that i'd like to get but if it doesn't happen it's not a big deal. My husband's only job is to do the shopping for me and his father, and we've already decided what to actually get him (a smoker and related items). So it's not my headache.

My stress level has gone down although nothing has actually been resolved. Sometimes you just need to vent and have a good cry. Which I did. The hubby got an extension at work for 3 months which will buy him time to continue looking for a new job, and he'll get his severance whenever he leaves. He'd still prefer to stay with the company so he plans on working his ass off while he still has a job so maybe they'll love him so much they won't want to lose him. Which is really what he was doing before they laid him off.

My mom. My mom has breast cancer. They've confirmed that it hasn't spread but what is there is pretty bad. She thinks they'll take the breast after the new year. So she could still use your prayers, or thoughts, or whatever you do.

Everything else is doing okay. Potty training didn't actually kill me and spencer is now completely on board. Henry has his 4-month appointment this afternoon. I'd like to announce (but I'm afraid to jinx it) that he is a) sleeping in his crib and b) sleeping through the night. This morning I went in to check that he was still breathing because we had to wake him up to leave the house. Craziness.

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His father's ears

They say you marry your father. Figuratively, of course (shuddering).

Anyhow, now that I've gotten right to that disturbing tangent, let me also say that I not only married my father but I gave birth to my husband.

Which means algebraically, if a=b and b=c, then a=c.

My father can't hear for shit. I can never really tell what he does hear and what he just pretends to hear because it's easier than asking "What" for the the 1,871th time in a conversation.

My husband and I have full conversations about things and then about 30 seconds later he'll ask me a question directly related to what I just said, and I'll repeat myself verbatim without him realizing it's the same thing I just said.

My son will not hear me if I say something, even if it's six times in a row monotone directly into his ear. Through clenched teeth, he hears me and says, "Oh! Okay!" with absolutely no sarcasm. He sincerely doesn't register my voice.

As does his father.

As does my father.

Ad nauseum, et al. It's a stereotype to say that men don't listen, right?

Desperate feet

**warning, this is kind of gross. Okay, really gross. I apologize. I do also note that as I am a mess, this really shouldn't surprise anyone.

Ever since my disastrous pedicure I've been having problems with my toenails. I've always had kind of nasty feet; my eczema flares up weekly and I'm prone to ingrown toenails if I don't keep my nails cut down and I have very deep nail beds. Not the feet of which a foot fetisher dreams. I can usually keep them tidy, if not pretty, but things have not been good since September.

First, I took off the polish in November (I don't have time for many pedicures) and noticed the inside of one of my big toenails was a little discolored. I thought at first that she didn't do a good bottom coat (red polish, needs a good undercoat or your nails go yellow) so I cleaned them up really well.

Turns out, I think it's a fungus. It's not terrible, and it's growing out, hasn't turned my nail hard or yellow or thick, so I thought I was okay to not visit a podiatrist and deal with it myself.

Then a couple days ago I noticed the middle toenail on my other foot was a little rough at the nail bed. I didn't actually notice it right away, but then when I looked at it I noticed that my nail was FALLING OFF. It had already detached from the nail bed and was holding on by the nerves under my nail, but oddly didn't hurt. The hubby (after making some strangled noises about how disgusting it was), but a band aid on so it wouldn't rip off.

Monday night I took off my boots and felt it loose in my sock. Oddly, I have such deep nailbeds that it really doesn't look like I lost a nail - however, I'm pretty sure there will be no polish until it regrows.

So anything more happens to my poor tootsies and I'm booking an appointment with my local foot doctor before whole appendages just rot and fall off.

Please pray for my mom. I might explain later but for now I need a time out from everything.

An ice cold mess

I get a lot of compliments, mostly on Facebook, about how together I have things and how amazing it is that I can get my house cleaned and cook a full meal and take the kids with me for grocery shopping and for constant trips to Target and the library, and while I appreciate the compliments (really, I truly do … when else would someone call you a supermom on a regular basis? Not at home, that’s for sure) … most times it’s just not true.

Yes, I cook almost every night. I cook real food, and it’s (usually) not out of a box and (usually) not premade and frozen (although sometimes it is and I don’t feel bad about that or think that anyone who does go out of the box or premade should feel bad about that either – it’s all about priorities). Yes, I generally have a clean house (although generally no clean bottles because I HATE TO CLEAN THEM). I brave stores with the kids because a) Spencer has always, ALWAYS, been better in public so it’s really a joy to shop with him, as long as I let him wander through the toy aisle and push the buttons on some of the displays) and b) I can’t stand to be cooped up in the house, so I do what I have to do.

But the truth is, most times I feel like a mess. Right now when the high is 48 degrees I feel like an ice cold mess, but a mess all the same. I clean because the clutter drives me crazy and not because I enjoy it. I like a clean house, and I’ll kill myself making it stay that way. I can’t let go yet and go with the disaster.

I cook because it’s the one thing I think I do well, and it’s the one thing I get appreciated for on a regular basis. My husband’s last day before the layoff is Friday, and the other day we were sitting at the table eating (chicken chili, I think) and we had this conversation:

C: So … when I’m jobless do you want me to take over the cooking?

Me: Do you want to do the cooking?

C: Well, I can do it but it’s not going to be like this. (he waves his fork at his meal) This (waves) always looks restaurant quality. If I cook it won’t look like this (waves) and it definitely won’t taste like this (waves).

Me: Well, do you want to cook?

C: Not really. But if you want me to, I will.

BTW, he can't really cook.

Lately the stress of everything has been getting to me, and when that happens I tend to shut down. You can’t shut down properly when you have a toddler, even if you very sweetly ask Sprout On Demand to babysit for awhile. Sunday was one of those days where I just couldn’t function. The kids were sick, I was annoyed, it was cold and rainy and angry outside and I was cold and irritable inside. Spencer was sick but wouldn’t sit and just be sick and I was afraid of him infecting the whole house so I kept getting irrationally upset that he was using different seats and running around and I was worried snot would be on all his toys so I would have to clean them all … I was a mess. I tried watching a Lifetime Christmas movie because those help my mood and Spencer just wouldn’t let me alone despite being bribed with Barney and Caillou and Dora, and the hubby had gone to his parents to fix a computer problem for them which ended up taking hours because they had this and that and another thing... Then I started dinner and he wanted to help (sickie sickie sickie) so I let him stand next to me and not over the chicken and he FELL OFF THE DAMN CHAIR. All he was doing was standing there on his little chair that he brings over to help, and he fell and busted his lip on the counter and hit the floor. Just one more thing, seriously. He was fine except a tiny bit of blood, but I swear, I feel like my world is crashing in on me sometimes.

Monday morning he came in and I told him to go potty and he told me he didn’t know how, and I lost it. I smacked his butt, picked him up and deposited him in the bathroom and my husband came in to finish up with him so I could go bury myself in the covers and pout for a bit before I had to get up and go to work. My parenting skills have gone out the window and I’ve been deferring to my husband to deal with the kids so I don’t have a nervous breakdown, but then I feel bad about leaving things to him when I’m the mom and I think that I should be doing all that parenting as well.

My hair is falling out at an alarming rate (however, a plus is that it seems to not be so frizzy, but that could just be because I'm going bald). I'm worried that I'm drinking too much (only a glass or two, but I think four-five nights a week is probably not a good thing. I'm not French). I've gained weight instead of lost it because I'm a stress eater and I'M ALWAYS HUNGRY.

Someone, please take over – I need a vacation.