My generation

This picture reminds me of something funny. You see that outlet to the left of my nightstand? Any normal person would see that and think, oh, phone outlet.

When I bought this house two years ago, I looked at those outlets and said, "Why are there ethernet outlets in all the rooms? Isn't that outdated?"

Yes, I'm a dunce. But I'm a dunce who hasn't had a home phone (save for a few years with Vonage) since 2001.

The definition of lethargy

Here's what I did today:

• Finished a Jen Lancaster book


• Read cover-to-cover the last Richelle Mead Succubus book


• Watched VH1 10 best celebrity slim-downs


• Watched VH1 Celebrity Plastic Surgery (horrors, mostly)


• Watched all 5 hours of VH1's Top 100 80s One-Hit Wonders


• Fed Turtle, held Turtle, watched Turtle, bounced Turtle.

Here's what my husband did:

• Mowed the backyard/jungle.


• Watched The Hurt Locker (I watched part of it, but I hate war movies so I was mostly reading my books)


• Watched all of the above with me


• Watched (currently watching) preseason football (aka the most pointless thing ever)

Here's what Turtle did:

• Ate


• Pooped


• Farted (a LOT)


• Cried (more than normal, probably due to farting)


• Slept (less than normal, probably due to farting)

Here's what The Boy did:

• Went to daycare


• Watched Caillou andBarney


• Ran around in circles singing Pop goes the Weasel and Shoo Fly

It was a much needed day of nothing for all.

What did you do?

I woulda driven (101.47) miles

Today we took an excursion 2 hours east to a town called Altamonte Springs.

Sounds like a pretty place - did we go for a theme park? No.

Did we go to visit friends/family/acquaintances? No.

We went 101.47 miles to visit a Game Stop and to buy a used PS2 video game that my husband has been on the hunt for, for quite awhile.

Over 100 miles.

To be fair, I was the one who bucked up and said, "How's Wednesday?" when he was thinking if he wanted to go out there. But this may or may not have been so that I wouldn't be dragged into every used game store in the area to look for said video game when it was obvious from the Game Stop people that our only other option was eBay, where the game sells for anywhere from $10 to $80 plus shipping.

Good news: When he gets bored, we can sell our $12 game for $10-$80 on eBay.

In better news, after we scored the game, we stopped at the mall and I got two pair of gold ballet flats for 70% off at Dillards. Gotta love Labor Day sales!

And now a commercial I love

This is totally my son:




I love this commercial.

A minor annoyance

Forget that I hate Pepsi. I actually love a clever commercial, no matter what it's shilling, but this commercial annoys the crud out of me because IT'S WRONG.



Do you see it? The can is in his right hand when he's drinking. But when the Pepsi dude records him with the iPhone, the can is in his left hand so you can see the logo. Bah! It reminds me of every Visa commercial where they swipe the card so the logo is upright, but when you swipe a card, the logo would be upside down. Is it that advertising people think we're that stupid, or is it that I shouldn't care so much??

Another 2:30 am complaint

You know, sometimes the 2:30 feeding is really not that bad. Yes, it takes me 4 snoozes to get up. But once I wake up, it's not so bad to simply make a bottle, wake up the Turtle, force feed him some sustenance and then hobble back to bed myself.

But then there are the nights when waking up tears me from a dream wherein my husband was pulling my panties off with his teeth and I didn't feel like a deflated whale, and I want to smash my alarm into itty bitty pieces.

When can I start letting him sleep instead of forcing him awake every 4 hours?

Yes, those are tears.

It appears that all that I needed to kick my butt into reading gear was for God to strike me with a wicked headache and no relief from Excedrin Migraine. Or at least, it took 6 hours to kick in. In that time, I was unable to sleep and didn't care enough to leave my bed so I pulled out Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah. I had previously read 40-odd pages but had been having trouble concentrating on when I could have instead be staring at my newborn or fighting with my toddler.

Turns out, it's really good. Turns out, also really sad. It reminds me of a cross between Judy Blume's Summer Sisters (which I love) and Kate Jacobs' The Friday Night Knitting Club (which I also love). And I cried. Only a little though - my husband picked the end of the book to come into the room and hang out with Turtle on the bed, and I hate to cry over a book in front of him. He seems to think I am emotionally handicapped because I don't cry at movies (except getting choked up at Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, but how could you not? You don't know for sure that the old dog is going to come over the hill, and the boy is so sad, and then Shadow shows up!) ...

Ahem, a digression. Anyhow, C thinks it's funny that I do not cry at movies, but I get weepy at books. So since he came into the room, I stopped reading every couple of paragraphs when I felt my eyes getting glassy until the feeling subsided. Finally, I sucked it up and finished the book with only slight moisture and with a chuckle from C.

After that, I decided I needed something a little lighter so I picked up Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster. I had never heard of Jen Lancaster before Mama Fuss mentioned her books in passing - saying that she had yet to read them, but the titles were funny.

Oh, holy Jeebus. I had to leave the room because I was shedding a whole different kind of tears. I haven't laughed that hard in quite awhile. It's definitely not what would be considered "literature", but most certainly guilty pleasure reading. I keep reading aloud to my husband - I'm pretty sure he's not appreciating my interrupting his baseball game, but this is funny stuff!

If you need a laugh, especially following a gut-wrencher, I wholly recommend. However, if you are recovering from abdominal surgery please watch that you don't bust a gut.

Thank you; this has been a PSA.

**Update: I have not been able to get through the first of three Jen Lancaster books yet - 385 pages of what is ultimately a really funny blog posts start to drag on; however, still funny!

PS - my son is trying to suckle on my belly. Need to lose belly flab. Thus endeth.