Wednesday, August 24, 2005

You'd think, you know?

You'd think I had something to talk about. I mean, crazy things have been happening. Like my job -- I might not have one anymore. They are "reorganizing" and moving my department to New Jersey. I might be able to find a place down here, but the ratio doesn't support it -- there are more than 70 of us looking to be absorbed into about 12 jobs. So in the meantime, I must look for a new job. I do have an interview (with my own company) for another position today, but almost everybody in my department applied -- so may the best person win. It'll at least get me used to interviewing again, which I may be doing a lot of in the next few months. A few friends are looking for places for me in their own companies (thanks so much, guys) and I'm out on Monster, but .... I'm starting not to sleep. It'll be fine, I know. But there's always that anxiety ...
I'm also going on vacation. A real, honest-to-god vacation. We're going camping again, in Tennessee, North Carolina and South Carolina. I'm so excited it's all I can do not to look at a map everytime I'm home. I'll be gone Sept 3-11. Hoorah!
So you'd think I had stuff to talk about. But with all this in my head it just wants to bounce around rather than come out here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

What's "wrong" with him.

So VG wanted to know what my brother's condition is, so I thought I would post just about that. My brother has Asberger's Syndrome, also called Asberger's Disorder. It's a form of autism where one is able to function but lacks all social skills necessary to interact. He focuses very well on single things (for 6 months it was spiders, now it's history) but doesn't react well to any sort of change or imbalance. The night before and the morning school starts he gets very bad anxiety attacks. When he can't process change he breaks down and will cry. Things that frustrate him start him screaming, but then if you try to calm him he'll cry. If he laughs so hard he gets the hiccups, he cries. He does all his work for school but refuses to turn it in. He gets all Ds and Fs in class for not turning in work but aces every test he takes. In middle school other kids would stick tape on his back with bad words and he never even noticed. In high school my mother had a conference with his teachers and they told my mom they thought he was like the Columbine kids because he doesn't interact with anyone. My mom was mortified that they don't know how to deal with someone like him. He's a loner because he doesn't understand social cues and how to behave "normally." Most of his friends have learning disorders or autism. One of his friends had an assignment where he had to get a friend to write things that he was good at and my brother wrote "He is good at making other people look good" and "He is good at losing at video games." He wasn't trying to be mean, he just didn't understand that that's not the way you act toward other people.


It's very frustrating, and I know I don't see a lot of it because I'm not around for all the problems. But a lot of what he goes through I went through too. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of problem like him, just not to the extent that he does. I love him so much; I'd do anything for him. But I don't want him to be normal -- is that bad?


From this site:

Asperger Syndrome (AS) or (Asperger’s Disorder) is a neurobiological disorder named for a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger. In 1944, he published a paper that described a pattern of behaviors in several young boys who had normal intelligence and language development, but who also exhibited autistic-like behaviors and marked deficiencies in social and communication skills.

Individuals with AS can exhibit a variety of characteristics and the disorder can range from mild to severe. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often have difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see.

It’s important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of “improper parenting.” By definition, those with AS have a normal IQ, and many individuals (although not all) exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. Language development may seem normal, but individuals with AS often have deficits in pragmatics and prosody. Vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like “little professors.” However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.

There is a great deal of debate about how to categorize Asperger’s. It is presently described as an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Some professionals feel that AS is the same as High Functioning Autism, while others feel it is better described as a Nonverbal Learning Disability. Because Asperger Syndrome was virtually unknown until a few years ago, many individuals received an incorrect diagnosis or remained undiagnosed. For example, it is not at all uncommon for a child who was initially diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder/Hyperactivity to be re-diagnosed with AS.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Relations

So I was driving to the pet store to by a mouse for the Snakob and for some reason I was pondering the relationships I have with my brother and sister. I'm 10 years older than my brother and 12 years older than my sister, and for some reason I've always been much closer to the bro than the sis. And today I think I figured out why.
Well, when my brother came around I was always taking care of him, babysitting and toting him around town on the luggage rack of my bike. We went everywhere. I'd cart him to antique stores for old books and up to Shoney's (back when Shoney's was still in Fla) and to the library. Then my sister showed up. I can say she showed up because one day my mom called and said "I'm bringing home a baby that needs to stay with us for a few weeks" and then there was Jamie. So Jamie kinda disrupted the balance. I couldn't take them both on my bike, and the one (and only) time I put her on the rack she stuck her foot in the spokes of the back wheel and nearly ripped her leg off. So even though Ian was the middle child of the family, Jamie was kinda my middle child -- Ian was the first born, Jamie was the second, and my kids (whenever that happens) are the third birth.
Not that I don't love my sister. I do, fiercely. But she was always the opposite of my brother and I. We read, she was a cheerleader. We play video games, she text messages all the boys from school. And it's not just that. I've always identified with my brother. We have grown up conversations on the meaning of a comma. He gets my jokes. He doesn't need to be entertained. I didn't believe for a long time that there was anything "wrong" with him -- it didn't seem like there was anything different about him to me. He did terribly in school because he read though it all -- I did enough to get good grades but I was generally finishing my work in the first 5 minutes and then reading for the rest of the time. He missed 5 questions --5! on his FCAT last year. But he and I were always cut from the same mold. When we found out he had Asberger's a couple years ago everybody else was relieved to know what was "wrong" with him. I still didn't see anything wrong. So he doesn't like to talk to other people. So he will read Steinbeck and Vonagut and Hornby and Vowell and everything else he can pilfer from my library during classes instead of paying attention to the teacher -- his tests are always near perfect. He spends the night and we go book shopping and play pool and otherwise act like a couple of 60-year olds.
My sister keeps me young. I've been hanging out with her more often lately and I find that I like it. A lot. She's still a tomboy at heart; she's just a tomboy with boys and shoes and purses on the mind. I get to watch girlie movies like Chasing Liberty and Miss Congeniality with her (that no one else will watch with me). She comes geocaching with me and to events and is socal and cute and everyone loves her. I love her. She has to be entertained but she's easy -- take her to a shoestore or bowling and she's fine. Just keep reminding yourself not to spend too much money around her. She's good at spending money.

Monday, August 15, 2005

I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it ...

But already I digress. I wanted to post yesterday but I didn't feel like answering those dern questions and I thought I should probably do that before I posted so I didn't feel like a lazy bum. So I have (go on, go see what kind of Jello I want to wrestle you in) and now I can post about my great weekend.
So unfortunately I don't have any fabulous pictures because the only pictures I have really blow (I took 5 pictures the whole time) so instead I'll have to regale you with tales (that won't be near as exciting to you as they are to me). Friday I picked my sister up from school and we drove down to Punta Gorda in time for dinner at Golden Corral with the rest of the geocaching groupies. Jamie had many plates of dessert and I talked to several people that I only seem to get to talk to at these events when I met a couple guys from my area that I seemed to have tons in common with. So when we went night caching with the whole group, or GeoCaravaning, as it was, Jamie and I rode with the boys and had a blast. Then Saturday we went to the main event, the Survivor's Event (on the anniversary of Hurricane Charley) where there were water games and a playground and kids for Jamie to play with and waterguns for all the children to turn on me with and caches to find and prizes to win! I won biodegradable toiletpaper and bug spray and a rain poncho. Woohoo for me!
But really the best part for me was the people. I didn't know I'd have such a good time. I can't wait for the next one!

Adopt-a-pet

My neighbor has this cat that has decided that his home is my front porch. He's tried for inside my house, but we chased him out. But all I have to do is look outside and there he is!


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Friday, August 12, 2005

While I'm gone

I played True Jersey Girl's game and now I'm required to participate in the game as well. I thought it would be a good thing to leave up while I'm gone this weekend. When I come back on Sunday I'll answer everyone! Happy weekend, everyone!

1) Put your name in my comments, and I'll respond with something random about you.

2) I'll tell you what song/or movie reminds me of you.

3) I'll pick a color/flavor of jello to wrestle with you in. (Maybe)

4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.

5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.

6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

7) I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.

8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog. You MUST. It is written.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

I know I promised but I'll get to it ...

I'm deciding to be lax in answer Mama M's questions and I wrote that I'd put JG's questions up too, but I'm feeling blue so I'm going to do that on Sunday, maybe, when I get back into town.
I think there's something wrong. With me. I'm starting to breakdown, just a little, which wouldn't really matter that much because I usually pull it together. But I started having my breathing problems again which I haven't had to deal with in any large amount since ... well, since my ex-fiance and I broke up. See, I have these anxiety attack things where my body refuses to breathe like a normal human being and I get all lightheaded and jumpy and cross. I think it has affected me a total of 2 weeks over the last 2 1/2 years, which is fantastic except that an entire week of that is the last week. I know I'll get over it but I'm tired of this. Prescriptions don't seem to help, and I don't really want to talk to my doctor about it because he'll just send me to a specialist. Because that's what he does.
Also, since Christen hasn't been around because of the new job I've been hating coming home. I'm genuinely upset to come home to an empty house every night. It makes me depressed, and I hate being depressed so that makes me more depressed. I've been trying to do other things to get my mind off of it -- not working. I really hate being by myself, period. I cried when I went to my mom's house tonight and no one was home. I told my sister that I was coming for her clothes (we're going out of town this weekend) and that maybe I'd bring dinner or something. When I got there there wasn't aybody there, so evidently Mom had come home and taken the kids to her friend's house and Jamie never told her that I was coming. I sat in the living room for an hour reading and hoping they'd come home. But then I came home. I don't need to be entertained, I just need a warm body near me. I'm seriously thinking about getting an animal.
Anyhow, enough about me. I'll be entertaining next time, I promise.