excuse me, mr. bandwagon driver. i'd like to get off here.

no masturbation references. well, okay. you can reference. heck, you can even wank off, if you wish.

i wonder what i could get charged with for walking through the mall parking lot yanking off all those damn ribbons. would it be destruction of personal property? vandalism? would it be worth it? i think so.

ahhH! adding to christmas list: the dvd of empire records. i'm watching it on the hdtv station and there's parts i haven't seen. wow! like major differences! is there a rated r and a pg-13 version? i have the vhs, which i've worn way thin (and it'll go to my sister when i get the dvd because she is crazy about anything i'm fanatical about -- she's seen newsies almost as many times as i). aj and lucas are so hot. i'd even go for hawt. or hott. how many ways are there to spell it now? this is crazy cool, there being a different version than i'm used to. maybe i won't wait for christmas. do i ever wait for christmas?

an update before urbz.

the funny thing is, i have so much to say and no drive to blog. so i've made a list of what to write about that happened in the last week, since i know you've missed me terribly. and i've missed you.

1) my grandmother's in love. my dad actually started the conversation "we've lost your grandmother." she went on a cruise to hawaii and met some guy who lives in texas. they came back and moved into her place. then they started travelling the country. arkansas, south carolina, north carolina, texas ... they're supposed to be back soon, but no one can get ahold of either of them. my uncle just ends up with rushed messages on his answering machine.

2) dad lost $3000 in vegas. he went because he won the local billards competition and the finals we in vegas. he took $800, won $500 there before getting knocked out of the competition and spent the rest of the week playing blackjack. he got up to three grand and blew it all in the last day.

3) thanksgiving was fun. we spent it like usual, going to christen's dad's family house first for lunch turkey. this year they got most of it from publix. i missed my stuffing. i wanted to bring stuffing but they said they had enough and it ws that nasty stovetop shit. for the dinner meal we went to steak and ale with his mother's family. it was good, but not thanksgiving, really. i had a steak because i couldn't see ordering turkey from a restaurant. i did, however, have a sweet potato if that makes any difference. christen and i plan on having our leftover steaks tonight, but we're going to stuff them with feta cheese and re-grill them. yummy yummy.

4) black friday madness was, well, mad. but it wasn't really that bad except that the day didn't go by nearly as fast as one would have expected. our district was no. 1 in the company in sales. i need a new job.

5) ethan got his tattoo on friday night; i went with him. he got tux the linux penguin on his arm. yeah, all my friends are geeks. isn't it fun that way?

6) my sister is spending christmas eve with me. mom doesn't want glenn (ex-stepfather) threatening to keep christmas unless he can see jamie, so she's coming over here and spending the night. that's cool, though. we can do last minute shopping and wrapping together.

7) it doesn't feel like christmas yet. we've had intermittent days of cold weather, but it's not cold enough to wear my scarfs (though i did to dinner friday night) and very few people are playing christmas music in stores. everytime i try to play it at work i'm bombarded with death threats.

8) i went to the just books sidewalk sale and bought 16 books. yay, books. i even bought some interesting non-fiction books just because. like blossom of bone -- reclaiming the connections between homoeroticism and the sacred. sound interesting? i told my boss about it and he just kinda looked at me odd. it's alright; i'm used to that. i saw another book there called look homeward erotica, but i didn't buy it. i showed restaint. but after i bought all those books, i went to target and bought something guaranteed to prevent me from reading all my new books and even from blogging. i bought urbz- sims in the city for gba. yay! i've been playing it all weekend. i got very mad because i got pretty far into it and the damn game started freezing. everytime i tried to buy something from the thrift store it would freeze. so i took it back to the local target (i bought it from the supertarget) and they charged me 26 cents because of the tax difference. pain in the ass.

9) high score last night: 157. all scores: 137, 157, 136, 127, 151, 142. they say i'm getting more consistant, but at least i had some better scores on the board so it makes me feel like i may actually be getting better too. that game i got a 151, though, kyle got a freaking 206. so that sucks.

anyhow, i think that covers it. so if i'm not around, you know what i'm doing. work is calling (or will be if i wait any longer to get ready, because i'll be mad late, yo.)

pants a'fire

blogger lies. it says i have 44 posts but this is no. 60. huzzah, no. 60! 60 is incidentally the amount of geocaches i have to my name. -- and they say it's all about the numbers. i ain't no number 'ho.

anywho. the editor-in-chief at my old newspaper was forced to resign because of plagarism. i'm so glad i'm not there anymore. i loved it dearly while i was there, but i think it way downhill directly after my class left. i feel bad; i know there's great people still there, i just hope that they can get it all together and put together a good paper again. i know they can. he wasn't the eic while i was there; he started in the fall but he was news editor while i was there. maybe he was too young and the pressure got to be too much. dunno. enough of that.

the car my mom is getting is still there. she freaked out because when i went by to check it out it was gone and she was scared it got sold. she's getting a purple nissan sillouette. she's already bought new bumper stickers. "my karma ran over your dogma" "do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with katsup" "i'm only supposed to use my powers only for good" (or something like that) and another one but i don't remember what it was. why, oh why does she have to junk up her new car? it was well taken care of before her. oh well, it's not my car. she says it's really only to keep the JWs away from her front door, but people stand on her corner and pray. maybe that's why she keeps such big dogs.

i have a new favorite quote:

"I don't know yet what I am capable of doing, but, by God, i have genius -- I know it too well to blush behind it." --Thomas Wolfe

odd; is my head supposed to throb in time to mr. roboto?

high score last night: 139.

all scores: (saturday with the kids, 116,118) sunday 128, 139, 99, 125, 109, 117.

why am i not getting any better? is it truly because i don't have my own ball, or should i take lessons, or is it possible that i just have already hit my high score (156) and am destined never to bowl better than that? i need to know if it's a lost cause, so i can drown my sorrows in sweet tea. last night i had two bailey's before we left for dinner and i had most of a guinness at applebee's. mostly because i don't like applebee's. and they didn't have yuengling. i had chicken alfredo that had no taste.

was sick at work today. not like barfing in the dumpster sort of sick (although if the store had smelled like that nasty squid stuff from the asian market next door it would have been a possibility). the sickness was more of a severe allergy problem that made my head all cloudy and icky, and when that dried up a little my throat and ear started hurting. i stayed for 5 1/2 hours of my 8 hour shift. afterward i stopped by mr. jacoby's bookstore to see if he had any of the books that luke recommended. this time i came with a list. he couldn't find any except the orchid thief (which i bought for $6 almost new), but i am to call his wife tomorrow and she'll check the warehouse. and he invited me to an invite-only saturday morning sale, where about 2,000 books will be sold for a buck a piece. ahh, the most beautiful part of a rummage sale. the cheap books. christen will kill me; he'll also be there with me if i don't let him sleep while i hoard.

i also bought look homeward, angel, which i've been itching to read ever since asheville. i always forget to look for a copy when i'm at a bookstore, and just books is so deliciously well-organized. he thoughtfully reminded me of my wish to buy him out when he retired and i also thoughtfully reminded him of my lack of funds with which to purchase said bookstore.

my book of the day was tender at the bone, by ruth reichl. it was a wonderful book, easily the most satisfying read in awhile. it's a memoir by a food critic who decided she could learn who people are and what they mean to her by what they eat and where they like to eat it. me: seasoned but not spicy, and eclectic. that's me, through and through. give me bread and something to dip it in and i'm happy.

it's 7:39pm -- do you know where your serial killer is?

i decided on a glass of baileys before tonight's festivities. i always want to drink when my mom cries when i leave. and since i saw her, she cried when i left. i might feel bad, or honored, or something like that except that she's not crying about my leaving; she's crying because there's yet another thing wrong in her life and nobody will listen to her.

i feel bad; really, i do. but i've been taking care of her all my life. i lend her money; i give her a cell phone that i pay for (and i replace it every time she breaks it); i take the kids for weekends so that she has some time to herself. i'm half her age and i feel like her mother all the time. sometimes it breaks me. it broke me. i'm having another drink.

also breaking me is that i gave in and am closing saturday. i really don't want to, but i feel bad because jess worked for me today. so i'm closing saturday. drop in and say hi!

i hope that lady calls me about that other job.

so my mom's car is dead. it broke down a few weeks ago and she's been having trouble finding someone to fix it. newest diagnosis: she siezed the engine. goodbye shitty van. hello shitty car with which she has to replace shitty van.

everytime my brother seems normal to me, he goes and fucks it up and makes me realize he's never going to get better. his best friend gave him a piece of paper on which to write a recommendation for him for geography. my brother is 14. this other kid (also has asberger's) is 13 but two grades behind because of his illness. on said piece of paper, he wrote the following:

marky is good at losing to other people.

marky is good at being fat.

marky is good at making other people feel smart.

marky's mom pounded on the door at 10:30 at night waking my mom up about this, and they woke ian up to yell at him about this, and took him over to marky's to apologize. now this is the way ian has always been, but i never thought he'd hurt someone about it. i'm really just dumbfounded. and i know he's got a disorder and that he'll never be exactly normal. but he knows right from wrong. most of the time.

no title.

also, i watched requiem for a dream tonight. it was ... interesting. i'll bring it back for you soon, ivan. it's only been, what, a month? two?

nothing like making stew with a $20 porterhouse.

christen's dad gave us a couple porterhouse steaks last sunday but we forgot them in the truck so they thawed out and they couldn't be refrozen. so we put them in the fridge to cook this week, but he's been closing every night and we couldn't cook them. so thursday night we grilled one of them, and since the steaks were really on their last legs (or whatever cut it was) i cut up the other steak and made a damn good stew with it. but i still made tuna for dinner (yeah, i was still a little hungry after the fudgecicle ... dern protein).

wednesday's book was romeo by elise title. a paperback-sort of book, but it's very well done in the whole psycho-sexual thriller way. it actually scared the crap out of me. i was up most of the night (though it may be because christen was up until almost 5 playing gta). i didn't fall asleep until after 5 and i was up at 6:30 for work. ick. now you know why i haven't been particularly prolific lately.

there's this singer named richard cheese who sings really great '50s big band versions of songs. look him up. i'm listening to beck's loser as sung big band-y. also sung by him: baby got back. you really must hear this.

speaking of seeing/hearing ... check this link out. and turn up the volume for maximum effect. really. you'll thank me. it's quite amazing.

i've got my brother and sister for the weekend. i pick them up tomorrow and we've got the whole weekend together. he's 14 and she's 12. it will be a weekend of geocaching, bowling, mini golf, go carts, and movies and gorging. ahh, children. can't wait to have one of my own someday. and then i will again spoil them and hand them off to my mother.