oh my darling clementine ...

you should be singing huckleberry hound-style here. i bought a box of clementines yesterday (clarification -- i dropped them in the cart; christen technically bought them) and my-oh-my are they tasty. are they? yum. i ate two and a fudgecicle for dinner. hehe. i love being on my own sometimes. no one to tell me how to eat.

christen is going to a bachelor party tonight. a friend of his knocked up his girlfriend and they're getting married next friday. i told him no lap dances. (ivan cover your ears ... i mean eyes) no one is allowed to get that close to his dick -- hands off. so no lap dances. but i don't think i have too much of a problem with his going to some cheesy strip club. i don't think i do, anyhow. as long as he doesn't crawl into bed tonight smelling like sex.

you know the song "you're so vain" ... you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you ... i was listening to it yesterday on 107.3 and i kept thinking -- you know, this is just like when those stupid chicks tell guys "if you don't know why i'm mad at you, i'm not telling you. you should know." and so the song started to annoy me. and i love that song. arg. if you think the song is about you, you're not likely to admit it because that would mean you're that vain, and if you don't think it's about you, well it's probably not. what ever happened to the chicks that just outright says "you're a vain sonuvabitch" and throws a drink in his face? friggin' mind games, i tell you.

luke, thanks for recommending eats, shoots and leaves. that's a great freaking book. what's amusing is that my ex-roommate (the one who i gave my job when i left the paper) recommended it when jordan and i went over to his new place a few months ago but never said what it was about. also, christen told me the joke on the back of the book (though he botched it considerably) and said he got it off a book we carried at work, but i never made the connection. i've been reading it at work now, and it's made it to my christmas list. i don't care that i'll already have finished it by then; i want my very own copy.

i had more to say but i spent the last hour arguing with a friend about the benefits of grammar, so now i'm dry. more later.

god loves sushi rice.

as do i, of course. i bought a 5lb bag from that asian market on saturday so i made some today. yay, it was yummy and sticky, just like tasty take-out chinese rice.

i read michael connelly's lost light today. it was not bad, in a hard-boiled sort of way. it perpetrated stereotypes and had a lot of cliches, but after the last two it wasn't too bad. anyone have good book ideas for me? my favorite authors are pat conroy, nick hornby, alice sebold, frank norris and later dean koontz (the ones without aliens). i need new reading material.

oh, and in the name of christmas and giving and all that, i've started a christmas list blog so you know what to get me. i've linked it right below my resume, because it's probably best for me to get a job before a tom lehrer box set.

dead puppies, poisoned pigeons and me.

dead puppies aren't much fun.

they don't come when you call,

they don't chase squirrels at all ...



if it were spring i'd be singing:

All the world seems in tune

On a spring afternoon,

When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

Every Sunday you'll see

My sweetheart and me,

As we poison the pigeons in the park.



but for now i guess it's just:

Take your cigarette from its holder,

And burn your initials in my shoulder.

Fracture my spine,

And swear that you're mine,

As we dance to the Masochism Tango.





as you see, i've got it bad for tom lehrer (the first one isn't him but it's on dr. demento's 20th anniversary, which is the best one except for when they had TMBG on the 25h anniversary edition)

one of these days i'll actually get some of the tom lehrer albums, which are so great. he's so great. you hear that tom? you're fabulous, dahling.

we are the knights who say ni!

A 19-year old virgin, you live in the Castle
Anthrax. You use your wiles to lure in
strangers...tie them to big soft beds and....

a few immature posts ... what? did you think i'd post otherwise?

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

Your Boobies' Names Are: Twin Peaks

Get your own Boobie Names

Your Girl Parts Are Named: Twat Waffle

Get your own Sex Name

It's Not Sex. It's ... : Sinking the Titanic

Get your own Sex Name

my resume, if you please.

i gave up the ghost on my NaNoWriMo blog, considering it's the 3rd week and i haven't actually begun to write. yet. so instead i posted my resume. it's down there under the heading "my resume." i know, i know. it should be under the "genius" heading, but i needed to separate myself from the crowd, so i went inconspicuous.

betting the nuts.

not such a great night at the bowling alley last night. high score: 134.

all scores: 108, 109, 102, 111, 122, 134, 121, 85.

the boys won. glad i didn't bet the nuts on it.

i think i'm going to go tomorrow after work at do some bowling on my own. i don't know why i just can't stay consistent any more. :(

i'm learning how to quilt now. a lady who's friends with one of my customers is teaching me, and i'm excited. now i can finish my gram's quilt from the '20s. i've been carrying it around from apt. to apt. since she died 6 years ago (that's 7 apts) and now i may actually be able to finish it. well, not now, but maybe another 6 years from now.

so popular writers not to ever read: fern michaels, james patterson. more to come, i'm sure. i read a james patterson novel two days ago (violets are blue) and it was so bad, i just don't understand how he gets published. or on any bestsellers lists. geez! people, get a clue! yesterday i read night spider by john lutz. it wasn't entirely bad -- there were some good things about it, but there was an inconsistency with the names early on -- he uses the name anne when he meant to use a different name. the editors should have picked up on that.

tonight is a different book; i'll let you know how it is. unless i just watch law & order all night, which is a distinct possibility. i was going to watch requiem for a dream but christen still has the ps2 set up for gta and i don't know how to switch back over to the dvd player. i hate watching dvds on the ps2 because i can't control it the same way. stupid game.