Fits

I’m writing this for posting ahead, which is a foreign concept to me – usually I’m hopelessly behind. I’m not good at discussing a topic and pretending it happened *right then* when really it happened last week, but in this case it happened right now and I’m posting it *next week*. So bear with me. (an aside – I think the reason I’m unable to discussing something like it just happened is because I’m a chronic oversharer, so I’ve already whined about this a little on facebook, and differently on twitter, and even differently to my girls’ group.)

So anyhow, last night H had the tantrum to end all tantrums. He’s 4.5 now, and while we get whining and stomping of feet etc etc ad nauseam, we do not get full blown out tantrums. I think this fit was harder because we have had NONE in so long. This was a tantrum for a child who can’t express himself, not one who has a wide vocabulary. He’s always been a little volatile (many moons teaching deep breathing to that one) but dude. This one started over a battle of wills between him and my husband. He was stomping around and C told him to brush his teeth (in prep for a tv show; the kids always get one tv show before bed as long as we are home with reasonable time to do so). He refused three times, whining about something or other, and finally my husband had enough and told him that he wasn’t getting his show. No yelling at him, just done. Enter flip out.

I stayed out of it, as much as it hurt to listen to him scream and cry and generally get hysterical over a tv show (tv! The devil box!). He was obviously exhausted, and 20 minutes into said hysteria he brushed his teeth but the decision was already made. No show. He continued his insane hysteria for more than an hour, and in that time my husband went in there twice to talk to him and calm him down and I also went in twice, held him and tried to talk him off his ledge. The problem was, problem for him anyhow, that we weren’t giving in. It might seem like a little thing to put your line in the sand on, but this only doing things on their own terms thing … it’s gotten to be a problem. Eschewing the process that we know works best for our family – it’s gotten to be a problem. Refusing to do things for no good reason – well, you get it.

65 minutes later (and 25 minutes past bedtime, S had already been put to bed in my bed and was asleep), I checked on him again and he was laying down clutching his bear, sad and wide-eyed but calm. We talked about it and how we would try again tomorrow. He agreed.

I’m honestly proud of how we handled it. There was no yelling, very little even raising of the voice. He was outraged and scream/choke-crying and it was terrible, but we didn’t give in to his demands but we were still quite understanding about what he wanted. That ship had sailed, buddy. Calm down and try again tomorrow. I told him I loved him (he choke-cried “you … too…” It was hard – so hard. So hard to listen to him cry, so hard to not just acquiesce for the sake of peace. So hard.

This morning? Bright-eyed and bushy tailed, playing tinkertoys with his brother when I woke up.