Reality Bites

You like how I posted on Sunday (well, Monday and backdated) with a Hey I’ll be here all month! And then promptly disappeared again?

via GIPHY

So here’s the deal. I … am off my anxiety meds. All of them. I harbor no illusions about my headspace and if this doesn’t work then I am perfectly willing to load back up on meds but I feel like over the last 18 months I’ve continued to pile on meds without a thought to changing meds or pulling off any meds. Just more and more. I was up to four including one specifically for turning my head off to sleep. If I didn’t take that pill, I didn’t sleep. Even if I thought I took it. So I couldn’t deal anymore, and when I went on vacation a few weeks ago I pulled myself off the night meds. There were a bunch of REALLY bad nights, but thankfully since it was vacation I could sleep in if I needed to, and eventually I was able to regulate. (however the time change has royally messed me up and I have spent all week this week trying to figure that insanity out).

Then over a week ago I forgot to take my day meds two days in a row, and rather than put myself back on them like a responsible medicine taker, I threw my arms up and said “let’s see how this goes!”

The truth is, it was fine for a week. Then I had two days of LBP and migraine and swimmy head and attacks of not being good enough for my kids. I almost cried when they killed off an extraneous character in my favorite audiobook series. That was rough. But last night I took a Unisom and got a full night’s sleep and woke up feeling like Wonder Woman.

I’m doing this to myself, I know. But I can do this, and if I can’t that’s okay too.