I’m written this post a dozen times in my mind, but it
always comes out different and weird and scattered when I try to put it down on
paper.
Here’s the thing: I have never had strong feelings about
children. Growing up I didn’t think I would ever want children. My siblings
were significantly younger than I, and I did a great deal of the child rearing
while my parents worked and then later when my mom went through a bunch of
things that put her into a second childhood sort of mental state. ‘I raised
children already,’ I used to say.
But then in my twenties I started feeling that pull. I knew
I wanted children, and I needed to start before I was 30 because my mom wasn’t
able to have children past 30. C and I got married when I was 26, and I was
pregnant a month later. I had Spencer at 27 and Henry six weeks past my 30th
birthday.
C does not want more children. He wanted two from the onset,
and nothing has changed. I originally expected to want three, but then after
Henry I was pretty sure I was done. “But don’t you want a girl?” people would
ask. Nope! Happily done here!!
…
But lately I’ve started to feel very strongly that I want
another. Not a girl specifically, not a boy, just another child. It doesn’t
make any sense to me. I hated being pregnant, although I had two very
uneventful pregnancies. I recovered quickly from my c-sections (another post I’ve
been mulling over) but I wasn’t a big fan of the newborn stage. My boys are at
an age … well, I absolutely love it. I love them. They are generally
self-sufficient, play well together, and we are maybe less than a year out of
diapers. They are such GOOD BOYS. I love having conversations with them and
seeing Henry better his speech by leaps and bounds and Spencer having such a
thirst for knowledge. Does it get any better? Why would I want to go through
all that again?
It’s a moot point right now, anyhow. My husband does not
want another. But maybe, some day. Or maybe some day I’ll be able to let the
idea of a third baby go.
7 comments:
Oh, this subject is so HARD and so INTERESTING. I still think about it A LOT.
This is such a hard thing, one I think about so much. I have 2 perfect awesome boys. But are we done? One more? And not necessarily a girl,just another child. I would if my husband was a yes, but he is not sure.
I've been there. Even after having my tubal ligation after the second. In fact, I started researching options for getting pregnant after tubal ligation. Both the husband and I were in a place of considering another kid.
But then things got busy. I got a new job, we were trying to sell our house and move and I moved on. I would love another child. I think it would be amazing but logically for our family, two kids make sense for us.
I always assumed I wanted two, and I still think I want a second baby, but I'm not so sure anymore. There are so many reasons, but lately I keep thinking about the newborn stage and how exhausting and emotional and terrifying (is he still breathing? How about now?) it all is, and I'm just not sure I want to go through it again. I probably will...I'll probably change my mind and we'll move forward with baby number 2. Probably. But deciding to have a second kid isn't as much of a no-brainer as I assumed it'd be.
My husband also doesn't really want a third child. I kind of do, but I'm not sure. He's actually started coming around on it a little and is sort of pushing for a decision, because if we have another he doesn't want to wait too much longer. But I still don't know! And he doesn't, either!
Gracious, I don't know if it goes away. I certainly have that pull for another. I honestly don't know that it will go away even after we are "done". Kids are awesome, so I think it makes sense that you'll always have a small longing for another...
We've been planning a 3rd child for awhile now. C grew up one of 4 and he always thought that was ideal. I was an only, so 4 just baffled me. But from the get go - only a few weeks after Little Man was born, I KNEW I wanted a 3rd. Funny how people push you to have 3rd because they think you need a girl. Most people assume because I have one of each, that I'm done!
I've had several friends tell me they just KNEW when they were done. My good friend M was so unsure after her 2nd, but then she ended up with an "oops!" baby and then after her she was like "yeah, I'm done."
I don't look forward to the always being tired thing. And now that we're in the trenches of trying to figure out schooling for the 2 we've got already... a third one scares me a little! But I really, really want another one.
Post a Comment