Much has been said recently around my corner of the internet about families sustaining on one or 1.5 careers. It seems in most of those, the wife has taken the career backseat, gladly or willingly, or even hesitantly while knowing it was what was best for their family.
I thought, perhaps, I would weigh in on my experiences.
I do not like talking about work on here beyond whether I’m busy or not. I have no upward mobility. There could be chances for that if I willed it, or wanted to go job hunting in another company, but I really don’t will it. I enjoy my job, I like my company, my coworkers, my manager. However demanding it is, those demands wax and wane. November was a hard month. It was a demanding month. But not every month is – some months I take no work home, only travel locally, get home in time to pick up the kids from daycare almost every day. I have been with my company for nearly eight years. I started at the bottom, and I’d say I’m near the top now. I don’t want to go any higher; I feel like I’m still constantly learning in my current position while still content and confident in my abilities. My job is high pressure, but not a constant high-pressure like those management jobs.
I feel I am a better mother when I am not with my children 24/7. I cherish our weekends. We eat dinner at the dining room table every night all week (as long as I’m in town, which is probably 90% of the month). I cook most nights, but we do go out for dinner sometimes, especially on the weekends, and the boys are very good at restaurants.
Before this, I worked in retail management. I was in middle management which included a lot of hours, a lot of pressure, a lot of problem solving and a lot of running and not much money. I cried a lot, sometimes at work and often at home. I did this while attending college full time and working at the school newspaper full time. I spent a lot of years in retail, enough to know I could never go back.
My husband’s work life has been more tumultuous. He also worked for the same retail company I did, in upper management (we worked in different stores) for a lot of years. He was laid off right before we got married (while we were trying to pay for everything, THAT was stressful). He finally got a job in IT and also hasn’t looked back. Two years ago he was laid off again, and after six months he found a new IT job, actually with the company who took over his old job.
He now works from home several days a week, and often even on the days he works in the office he comes home on lunch and stays home. He works hard, but has the leisure to get things done that need doing (like laundry or cleaning the kitchen) while he works. When I’m working late or out of town, there is no stress about who will be taking care of the kids, who will be picking them up, or what will happen.
My husband is the primary caregiver. I feel sometimes like this makes me less of a mother. My younger son has only ever known things this way, and he clings to daddy. This morning he woke up a grump and didn’t want anything to do with me, even though I had gotten up early to make oatmeal for them (I was due a hug after he started eating). My older son is still a momma’s boy, and it bothers my husband a lot that S prefers me over him but I feel like he gets everything with the boys and I should be allowed this one thing.
I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this post. We have two reasonably good and similar paychecks. We don’t have to scrimp, and we live well within our means so we are able to do what we want without much thought to cost (some thought, we aren’t exactly rolling in it). Most of my paycheck goes directly into savings. Actually, all of my paycheck goes directly into savings, and we pay the car payment out of it, and the credit card (which I pay off every month) and we help out certain family members out of it. We could feasibly live off one income, but we seem to be in a good place right now. I would love to work part time and have more time with the kids. However, with the type of job I do it’s not possible unless I were to “switch sides” as it were, which I’m not willing to do without feeling like I’ve sold my soul. (Aren’t you glad I’m being so specific?)
I don't (often) envy SAHMs, but I am amazed at their ability to be around their kids all the time without wanting to jump off a cliff. I don't has enough confidence in my parenting skills, as it seems.
So there you have it. Two incomes. It works for us.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
3 comments:
There are a lot of days when it's a good thing there AREN'T any cliffs around here to jump off of. :)
Seriously, I am often envious of moms who work full-time. Gives you time to miss your kids.
Actually, I am periodically ready to call you up and ask if your office is hiring. I have no experience in your exact field, but I'm reasonably competent. :)
Yay for another two income perspective! Sometimes I feel like I have the only family on the Internet where both parents work full time.
My old boss works full time and her husband works part time to be at home when the kids come home from school. They were both on management tracks and working so many hours they felt they were neglecting their kids. He made the decision to cut back. She often says she feels guilty for not being the primary care-giver. I can understand that, but I think it's awesome that they could work it out together.
I talked about it with my husband when we discussed the possibility of children. At the time I made a lot more and wouldn't have had the opportunity to stay at home. My husband went back to school and changed career, which was good for both of us. He really needed a change to keep his sanity. Still, even if we could afford it, I don't think I'd stay at home. I'm used to having financial independence. It probably goes back to my parents who fought over money so much. I know it doesn't have to be like that, but still, it scares me. I don't think I could give up an income because I'd be afraid of giving up my independence.
(I don't think that way of SAHMs. I know the problem is my own from my own experience.)
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