I've been making a concentrated effort to be less of a bitch lately. Ha, I know, right? Well, I'm generally not a bitch. For some reason, though, I get in these moods and I attempt to sabotage my relationship with my other half and I get bitchy. I know I do this. I did it to my ex, and easily ended 3 years with him. Toward the end of that relationship I always felt like I was the worst version of myself around him. I couldn't control myself. I've never had great self esteem, and I never felt that he adored me enough (which, by the way, he didn't). When I get self conscious, I lash out. If I could have controlled myself then, who knows if that relationship would have lasted longer. It wasn't healthy in many other ways, and I wouldn't have found my husband if we hadn't broken it off. So I'm glad for it.
Now, I know what I'm doing. We've been together for six years, married for two. Every once in awhile I get to be a big pain in the butt. Everything he does pisses me off. I've mentioned this change to him, and he doesn't seem to notice it (he must have trained himself to ignore it). But since I notice it, I'm trying very hard not to let every stupid thing he does bother me. It makes me a nicer person. I like being a nicer person.
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